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YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

by George Carlin

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level
governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart
American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does
not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than
working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to
put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to
be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where
they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled
Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when
I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying,
paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In
the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches
or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up
already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson
practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the
problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're
running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking
the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you
deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for
the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me
crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These
people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two
parents.

I believe if she has her lips on your Willie, it's sex, and this applies
even if you are President of the United States.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

Grannie, thanks for this George Carlin excerpt...hes spot on correct here...

George Carlin has a special place in my heart...When Michael was so very ill, in a 2nd relapse of his leukemia, and in Childrens Hospital of Seattle, he tended to sleep late into the morning, and was more awake late at night...

Now Childrens Hospital has no visiting hours...you can be with and visit your child whenever you want..in fact the sofa in our sons room, was actually a pull out bed, because the hospital, catering to children, realizes that parents may want to spent the night with their child, and they encourage this, rather than discourage this, like so many other hospitals do...

Anyway, BigDom and I were staying at the Ronald McDonald House, right near to the hospital...special kudos to all the great Ronald Mcdonalds houses and special thanks to all those who support these wonderful sanctuaries with their donations....Ronald Mcdonald houses provide a santuary and respite, and a small breather for those of us who have children in live threatening situations....

Anyway, since BigDom and I were living so very close to the hospital while Mike was in the hospital, we did not use the couch-bed, so we usually left the hospital by 10pm or so....

But this one particular night, BigDom and I were getting ready to leave and go back to the Ronald Mcdonald house...but Michael did not want me to leave...he said, George Carlin was going to be on the 'Tonite Show', with Johnny Carson, and he wanted me to stay with him and watch it...BigDom was practically falling asleep, so Mike told hi to go back to Ronald Mcdonalds, that was ok, but he wanted me to stay...I could hardly keep my eyes open, but honored Mikes request and stayed...

We were joking around, hard for Mike sick as he was...we had about an hour before the Tonite Show was coming on, so we just joked and chatted and talked...nothing serious, just normal things between a mom and her 15yr old son...

Finally George Carlin came on, and he was in his usual rare form, and we had a hard time, keep our laughter quiet and under control, for of course, we were in a hospital, and needed to maintain some sense of quiet for those children who were sleeping...

After the show was over, Mike just grinned at me, gave me a hug, and told me how happy he was that I had stayed to watch George Carlin with him...He knew I was tired, and had been crying bunches for him, so he was just glad I had stayed...Of course, I stayed, my dear sick son asked me to, and I would never refuse him anything...

So, after George Carlin was over, I went back to the Ronald Mcdonald House...BigDom was already sound asleep, so I tiptoed in and went to bed...

The next day, in the morn we went up to the hospital...Mikes platelettes counts were very low, very bad...they had asked us to go to he blood bank, for BigDom to give blood, as in Mikes condition, he needed a platelettes transfusion, and altho he could have gotten such a transfusion from anyone blood type matching his, there was a problem, with his system destroying even blood type matched platelettes, from unrelated genetic donors...BigDoms platelettes were ideal for this situation...so we spent an hour with Michael, and then headed off to the blood bank a few miles away from the hospital, and they were waiting for BigDom, to quickly obtain his platelettes...just before we left the hospital, Mike was up and was smiling and waved at us, and said, "See You when you get back"

Once finished at the blood bank, we headed back to the hospital...we arrived, and at the elevators a nurse was waiting for us...she told us, that while we were gone, Mike had a severe headache, for which they gave him tylenol...when it worsened, and got bad, they gave him morphine, which apparently was also not working well...so they rushed us up to Mikes floor, and through the glass in his room, we saw him turn to us, and then he immediately went into a coma...

Apparently because this headache was so severe, all the docs were in his room, and Mike, I think sensing that something was dreadfully wrong, asked the docs "Are my mom and dad back yet?"...they pointed to us, Mike turned his head, and he then closed his eyes, slumped over, and went into a coma...

Testing revealed that it was a severe cerebral hemorrhage, and than 1/2 of his brain had been destroyed, and owing to the fact, the swelling would occur and continue to swell the remaining of his brain, there was nothing they could do...tests revealed his brain was operating at minimal levels, and that within a short period of time, he would actually be brain dead...which is what tests two days later revealed...he was taken off life support and allowed to slip back to God...

But, I always am thankful, that George Carlin was on TV that night, before Mikes coma...had he not been on Tv, I probably would have gone back to Ronald McDonalds at 10pm...but because George Carlin was one of Mikes favorites, and he wanted to watch him with me, his old mom...I got to spend a few extra precious hours with my boy, never ever realizing that this would be his last good night on earth...

Did Michael know something I did not? Perhaps he sensed something, that his end was drawing near...I dont know if that is possible, but know, with God, all things are possible...perhaps somewhere in the totality of things, God prepared a way for me and Mike to spend a few extra hours together that night, knowing full well what the next day would bring...

And so, that is why George Carlin is always in my heart...I have always enjoyed his take on things, but unknowingly he provided a way for me and Mike have just a few extra hours of time together, a time so very precious to me, in light of what happened the next day...

So Bless you, George Carlin...