| The Trial of David Westerfield for the Abduction and Murder of Danielle van Dam |
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Danielle's photo distributed by family
case in the Crime Forum, here This was About/Crime's This poll was rebooted David Westerfield: Judge William Mudd Jeff Dusek: Steven Feldman: Elizabeth's photo distributed by family Elizabeth Smart: Salt Lake City Rachel's photo distributed by family Rachel Cooke: Disappeared while jogging January 10, 2002, Jahi's photo distributed by family Jahi Turner: San Diego ![]() Mikelle's photo distributed by family Mikelle Biggs: Missing since Sabrina Aisenberg: Missing since November 24, 1997 Missing Children and Adults: Missing Children: An updated Child Watch of North America The Other Missing Kids: What Whose Kid is Important? Protecting Your Child From Abduction: including a section A Look at Other Recent Why the Murder Charge We've also got special Michael Skakel/ |
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Information and updates about the search for Danielle van Dam
(February 2 through February 28, 2002) are here
Information and updates about the weeks leading up to David Westerfield's trial
(February 28 through May 30, 2002) are here
Background:
Update: August 1
The defense, beginning their "counter-rebuttal", brought in another forensic entomologist, who backed up the testimony of the other defense entomologists. This article explains in detail how he arrived at his conclusions, and sums up what the San Diego Union-Tribune calls "The Battle of the Bug Experts".
The judge and lawyers will discuss jury instructions tomorrow, and the trial itself will resume Tuesday (August 6)
Follow-up:
The Union-Tribune discusses the obvious: The David Westerfield jury has heard a great deal more about insects than they have any patience for.
Update: July 30
The prosecution's final rebuttal witness was a forensic entomologist who testified -- for what it's worth -- that Danielle's body was been left outside anywhere between February 1 and February 12. Danielle was reported missing on February 2 and Westerfield was under police surveillance from February 5. Essentially, this prosecution witness said that the prosecution's contention (that Westerfield disposed of Danielle's body between February 2 and February 5) could be correct, but the defense's contention (that the body was left by somebody else after February 5) could also be correct. Why the prosecution chose to conclude its case with expert testimony that increased "reasonable doubt" is a bit of a mystery.
Some clarification of sorts: The prosecution entomologist also pointed out that the defense entomologist had errors in his data -- but a previous prosecution witness had already contradicted the defense entomologist's conclusions, so the net result of this final witness has to be a boost to the defense's reasonable doubt argument.
Update: July 29
"The only way the girl gets into the possession of Mr. Westerfield is by kidnapping" -Judge William Mudd
Judge Mudd denied a defense request that the jury be given the option of finding David Westerfield guilty of murder but not of kidnapping.
Why on Earth would they even make such an odd request?
Well, it could be a matter of life or death: This article doesn't explain it, but California law only allows for the death penalty under special circumstances. In the Yosemite Park murders, Cary Stayner faces the death penalty because he kidnapped his victims. In Bonnie Lee Bakley's murder, Robert Blake could have faced the death penalty because he'd been "lying in wait". The kidnapping and sexual abuse charges would "qualify" Westerfield.
Proving sexual abuse to the certainty that a jury would sentence Westerfield to death is nearly impossible with a decomposed body. If the defense pretty much concedes that Westerfield committed the murder, but Danielle had sleepwalked out of the house (she appears to have had a history of sleepwalking), Westerfield could escape Death Row.
Update: July 29
No testimony today in David Westerfield's trial, as the judge and attorneys discuss jury instructions and closing arguments.
Update: July 25
The prosecution brought in, as a rebuttal witness, a forensic anthropologist who contradicted the testimony of a defense entomologist who'd testified that Danielle's body was probably left in the desert after February 12 (which would clear Westerfield, since he'd been under constant surveillance since February 5). The above-linked article is probably as graphic as it needs to be.
After all rebuttal testimony is complete, the defense will have an opportunity to present counter-rebuttal.
Update: July 24
The defense rests its case -- without Westerfield ever testifying -- and the prosecution begins its rebuttal case with Westerfield's son, who denies his father's suggestion he was responsible for the pornography on his father's computer
Update: July 23
No testimony today: Instead, a hearing was held to discuss witnesses the prosecution intends to call when its rebuttal case begins later this week.
Update: July 22
As David Westerfield's trial resumed today, the judge instructed the jurors to "ignore" the Samantha Runnion case
Update: July 12
According to a just-released police affidavit, Westerfield told police, while the search for Danielle was ongoing, that the desert would be "a great place to dump a body".
Also: Denise Kemal, the flight attendant who testified that she'd smoked marijuana with Damon and Brenda van Dam, was fired once her airline learned she'd violated their strict anti-drug policy
Update: July 11
Judge Mudd has granted a petition by Damon van Dam to be allowed back into the courtroom when the trial resumes July 22 after a one-week recess (for Judge Mudd's family vacation)
Update: July 10
An entomologist testified that, based on the insect activity on Danielle's body (click the article for more graphic details), it had probably been left in the desert 10 to 12 days before being found (meaning somebody other than David Westerfield must have left her body there) -- but he stressed this was only an estimate, because insect activity was unusually low in February, so this period of time should be thought of as a minimum.
Update: July 9
Two defense witnesses testify, in effect, that it wouldn't have been impossible for neighborhood children such as Danielle to have entered Westerfield's motor home by themselves.
Update: A forensic scientist working for the San Diego PD was recalled by the prosecution today after having completed a comparison between fibers found in David Westerfield's motorhome and fibers found in the blanket used to wrap Danielle's body. They matched.
More details about the fiber testimony
Update: July 8
"She was rubbing herself all over him" -Patricia LaPage, defense witness
Two witnesses testify that Brenda van Dam had been "dirty dancing" with David Westerfield hours before Danielle disappeared.
Update: July 8
This week, the defense is expected to bring in a forensic entomologist to testify that Danielle's body had been out in the open for too short a time for Westerfield to have been responsible (Danielle disappeared February 2; Westerfield was under constant police surveillance as of February 4)
Update: July 3
The defense introduces evidence to suggest the child pornography might actually have belonged to Westerfield's son
Update: Two defense witnesses testify about Brenda van Dam's sexual lifestyle, and contradict her claim that she avoided David Westerfield (Brenda had said she'd found him "creepy")
Update: July 1
Closed-door hearings today, as the lawyers and judge discussed a number of issues, including whether the prosecution can call one more witness.
Defense attorney Steven Feldman has said that if the prosecution doesn't call a forensic entomologist -- a specialist in determining facts about a crime scene based on the interaction of insects -- the defense will. He contends that Danielle was killed after police had placed Westerfield under round-the-clock surveillance.
It should be remembered that the defense chose to push for an early trial and not to ask for a change of venue, reasoning that the backlash against the van Dams would work in their favor.
That being said, this is the sort of publicity that led to Sam Sheppard's conviction (for the 1954 murder of his wife that -- in part -- inspired television's The Fugitive) to be overturned.
The judge also ruled that Westerfield's bestiality photos would not be admitted into evidence, though the jury was not ordered to disregard having heard about them.
Update: June 26Update: June 24
Testimony: Hair similar to Danielle's was found in Westerfield's bed. The prosecution has not yet established whether DNA testing has confirmed that it's Danielle's.
Update: June 20
A criminalist testified that three spots on the jacket David Westerfield took to the cleaners shortly after Danielle's disappearance were indeed blood. The prosecution did not ask him whether the blood had been determined to have been Danielle's. He also testified having found blood on a beanbag, though the blood wasn't human (the significance of this might become apparent sometime in the future). He also described finding hair and fibers on a comforter Westerfield brought to the cleaners, a pair of Westerfield's boxer shorts, and a blanket found in Danielle's room.
More: A DNA expert discussing bloodstains on David Westerfield's jacket and on the carpet of his motor home estimated the odds that they weren't Danielle's as 1-in-130,000,000,000,000,000 and 1-in-670,000,000,000,000,000 (those are quadrillions).
Update: June 19
Evidence gathered from Westerfield's home and exhibited today included laundry, videotapes and lubricant
Update: A forensics expert testified that he's absolutely certain" that fingerprints found in Westerfield's motor home are those of Danielle van Dam
Update: June 18
The prosecution produced a shopping list written by David Westerfield, on which he'd written "bleach". Investigators had smelled bleach in Westerfield's garage and motorhome, and the prosecution is suggesting that Westerfield had used the bleach to destroy evidence. They offer no explanation of what Westerfield might have used the Mountain Dew, Pepsi, rum, dryer sheets, eggs and mouthwash for.
Update: Short, dark hairs, which could have been Westerfield's, were found on Danielle's body. A forensics specialist testified she found "possible blood stains" at various places in Westerfield's house.
Update: June 17
Physical evidence was discussed in David Westerfield's trial today: The prosecution offered testimony about clothing and bedding Westerfield brought in to be dry cleaned two days after Danielle disappeared, but the employees he dealt with -- who described Westerfield as seeming "tired" and "distant", conceded under cross-examination that they'd seen no trace of blood on the items. There was also testimony about how much Westerfield spent on gas over 3 days (about $164), and where he did and didn't drive.
Update: June 13
Testimony from three park rangers about the day after Danielle disappeared:
Update: June 12
Today, the jury heard a tape of a police interview of Westerfield, in which he described his trip the morning after Danielle disappeared and, at one point, said "this little place we were at" [italics mine], rather than "this little place I was at". The evidentiary value of this slip is questionable, but the prosecution thought it worth presenting.
Update: June 11
The Garden Hose:
San Diego police detective Johnny Keene testified about speaking with Westerfield after Danielle's disappearance and just before Westerfield left the area in his motor home. Keene noticed that, although the rest of the Westerfield home was immaculate, the garden hose was unrolled and strewn across the property. In his opening argument, lead prosecutor Jeff Dusek had pointed to this as a sign that Westerfield felt he'd had to leave in a hurry.
More of Keene's observations about Westerfield: "I noticed that he was sweating profusely from under his arms" and Westerfield was "overly cooperative".
Update: June 10
"He was very quiet and weird. He was creepy. He didn't say anything at all" -Denise Kemel, referring to David Westerfield on the night of February 1
Brenda van Dam's friends describe Brenda's "girl's night out", the night Danielle disappeared. The defense stresses the fact that one of the friends and her husband had had sexual relations with Damon and Brenda.
Kemel testified that the following day, after Danielle's disappearance, she spoke to David Westerfield and he mentioned having left the club at 9pm -- but she'd seen him there around 10pm.
Update: June 7
No testimony today. This article recaps what Brenda said yesterday.
Update: June 6
Brenda van Dam, Danielle's mother, testified about her encounters with David Westerfield, including walking away from him once at a local bar. The county medical examiner testified that Danielle had been dead for at least 10 days and -- as this article states -- "potentially up to six weeks" (an odd comment for anybody to make, since Danielle had been missing for 3 1/2 weeks before her body was found). He also conceded that, although evidence clearly indicated a homicide, there was no way to positively determine the manner of death or whether Danielle had been sexually assaulted.
And, of course, Brenda answered some explicit questions about her own sex life
More: The jury listened to the 9-1-1 tape.
Update: June 5
Damon van Dam, Danielle's father, testified that he barely knew David Westerfield, and they'd never been in one anther's houses (for what it's worth, there are reports that Brenda van Dam, Danielle's mother, was dancing with Westerfield the night Danielle was abducted)
More: Damon admitted he'd withheld information about that night from the police: specifically, that he'd been smoking marijuana at home and had been "snuggling in bed" with one of his wife's friends (apparently they weren't actually having sexual relations that night, though they had in the past)
Opening Arguments: June 4
The prosecution discussed the physical evidence (Danielle's hair found in Westerfield's sink, fiber similarities that were not fully explained in the opening statement), while the defense stressed the van Dams' lifestyle and pointed out that all manner of people were in and out of their home on a regular basis.
The prosecution then called a neighbor who described the search for Danielle, and two volunteers who found her body.
Update: June 3
The prosecutor revealed why hair found in Westerfield's sink is significant: DNA analysis showed that it belonged to either Brenda van Dam or one of her three children, but Brenda dyed her hair and her sons' hair was too short. Westerfield suggested that Danielle could have wandered into his home at any time, which could explain why her hair and drops of blood were found there -- but Danielle had gotten a haircut just days before her disappearance, and the hair found was consistent with the length of her hair after it was cut, severely narrowing the period of time the "wandering" could have occurred.
San Diego Swings
The murder of little Danielle van Dam brought swinging into the spotlight. Log on to the World Wide Web, type in San Diego and swingers on the Yahoo search, and you get 6,160 hits. Thats more than San Diego in combination with hiking trails (2,570), car clubs (772) or pet lovers (359)though not as many as golfers (7,430) or Republicans (18,900).
By Thomas K. Arnold
Club Paradise, according to its Web site, is situated in the back hills of the El Cajon Valley, nestled in a secluded, yet easy to access area. The facility offers a high-class, home-party style environment and boasts 5,000 square feet of fun, including a swimming pool, spa and backyard fire pit to socialize with your new friends while warming your erogenous zones.
Guests are welcome to bring some goodies (besides your wife)and once their erogenous zones are sufficiently warmed, they may choose from plenty of play areas ... most prefer the living room floor or kitchen, but [private] rooms are always available.
Club CB is an on-line club providing a safe meeting place for sensuous consenting adults. Member parties promise the hottest couples, the best facilities, very tasty buffet dinners, scrumptious desserts and a staff dedicated to ensuring your experience is clean, fun and safe.
Club CB party organizers boast they specialize in stirring up erotic sensations and placing our members in the ideal environment to meet and expand friendships with the most exciting people in San Diego County ... all while raising funds for local charity foundations contributing to the research for multiple sclerosis and other debilitating diseases.
Welcome to the wonderfuland apparently charitableworld of swinging, San Diego style.
Tony Lanzaratta, a retired Los Angeles police officer who, as executive director of NASCA International, probably has a better handle on swinging than anyone else in the country, stops short of saying San Diego is a hotbed for what he calls play couples.
Its impossible to chart, Lanzaratta says. But I travel a lot, and I know one thing: I meet a lot of people from San Diego.
He says there are half a dozen organized swing clubs in San Diego County, some in private homes and some in commercial buildings. None is openly marked. San Diego is a very conservative city, he says, so you just cant do that.
But even the local presence of half a dozen organized swing clubsmost of them with Web sites rivaling those of ritzy desert resortsis no barometer for how many San Diegans actually participate in what Lanzaratta and other swingers call the lifestyle. According to the official NASCA Web site, that lifestyle is defined as follows:
Swinging is social and sexual intercourse with someone other than your mate, boyfriend or girlfriend, excepting the traditional one-on-one dating. It may be defined as recreational social sex. The activity may occur at a swing party, a couple-to-couple encounter, a liaison or with a third person in a threesome. Though single men and women are involved, it is primarily an activity of couples.
A lot of people just have little neighborhood get-togethers in their homes, five or six couples who go for it, Lanzaratta says. The thing is, people are not card-carrying swingers; they dont necessarily have to belong to clubs or even frequent parties. People dont call up and say, Were with the Rand Corporation; are you swingers? So many people keep it hidden.
NASCA originally stood for North American Swing Club Association, but now goes solely by its acronym. Thats because membership in the loosely knit, Orange Countybased confederation of swing clubs now extends beyond North Americaand Lanzaratta and other practitioners of the lifestyle believe the term swing has become dated.
Swinging is not really a favored term anymore, Lanzaratta says. Swinging kind of connotes 1950s wife-swapping crap. It has little to do with that, and thats why lifestyle organizations prefer to use the term play couple.
Call it what you willswinging is big news these days, and all because of a vivacious, bright-eyed little girl who was snatched from her home, brutally murdered and then dumped in East County.
The Danielle van Dam kidnapping and murder case has gripped San Diegans from the time the 7-year-old was first discovered to be missing from her Sabre Springs home in early February. It has also pushed into the spotlightor shoved under the microscopewhat had previously been one of San Diegos salacious little secrets: the thriving local swinging scene in which the dead girls parents, Brenda and Damon van Dam, were involved.
From the time KFMB Radio talk-show host Rick Roberts first brought up rumors of the van Dams mate-swapping lifestyle, theres been a collective finger-wagging of disapprovaland also a collective curiosity about the phenomenon.
During the murder trial of David Westerfield, defense attorney Steven Feldman tried to convince jurors that swinging may have opened the van Dams doorsfiguratively and literallyto all sorts of perverts who could have made off with and later killed Danielle. Early in the trial, he even tried to question Brenda van Dam about what he called sex parties, but Judge William Mudd stopped the grieving mother from answering broad questions about her sex life because he deemed them irrelevant.
No wonder, then, that local swingers are becoming increasingly gun-shy.
It seems that the San Diego media are finally waking up to alternative lifestyles about 50 years late and for all the wrong reasons, i.e., the van Dams, Jay, who operates the Free Body, Mind & Spirit Society, one of San Diegos swing clubs, wrote in an e-mail, replying to a query. Our membership is composed of mostly late arrivals from the rest of the world. They are quite aware that they now reside in the epicenter of geekocracy and therefore do not wish any publicity. Nobody likes to find burning crosses on their front lawns.
Lanzaratta, too, decries the spotlight directed toward the San Diego swinging scene by the van Dam case. Its too bad there was this sudden interest in the lifestyle because a crime was committed, he says. The lifestyle, from what Ive seen and heard, has nothing to do with the crime. These are everyday couples, and the suspect in this case is not a couple, is he? Hes a single male. So where is this thing coming from? Im sure the defense is going to use this [the van Dams connection to swinging] and say they are unfit parents and all that B.S., but thats a bunch of crap. Theyre just trying to latch onto anything at all. I cant fault the attorneys, because thats their job, but for everybody else to jump on the bandwagon is just crazy.
Lanzarattas indignation underscores the basic philosophy that seems to be embraced by most swingers: What they are doing is perfectly normaland besides, what goes on behind closed doors between two (or more) consenting adults is nobodys damn business.
Eighty percent of the human world population is polygamous, so maybe the monogamists are freaks, claims Jay. We swingers all seem to feel completely healthy.
(Jays comments arent entirely accurate. He might be referring to the legality of polygamy, not the practice. According to the polygamypage.info Web site, In most of the world polygamy is an acceptable social practice and is never a crime. In much of the Western world, including Britain and most of the United States, the practice of polygamy is not illegal. As long as the marriages are not registered with the state, there is no offense, although there is also hardly any legal recognition of the relationship. In a few states, the bigamy law is used together with a common-law marriage law to define polygamy as illegal. These laws also tend to make same-sex partnerships and cohabitation by unmarried couples illegal as well.)
From the NASCA International Web site: People who swing come from all economic levels. Every job classification, all races and nationalities are represented, though the majority are Caucasian, middle to upper-middle socio-economic class, and married. Swingers ... tend to be adventuresome, emotionally mature and have excellent relationships with their mates and friends. ... Many single women have joined swing clubs, finding them a refreshing alternative to the traditional bar scene.
Lanzaratta, 52, a proud swinger for 14 years, says that definition really says it all. Sex is just part of the lifestyle, he maintains.
Its first and foremost social, with a capital S, he says. Now, what these people do after they meet other couples is between them, but 40 percent to 50 percent never take it to the next step, which is sex. Its a place to go to be social with like-minded people, but certainly not just to get laid.
Typical swingers, Lanzaratta says, tend to be baby boomer couples in their 40s or 50s with time and money to travel. The annual Lifestyles convention, which used to be here in San Diego but is now held in Las Vegas or Reno, draws upwards of 6,000 attendees each year, he says.
They are factory workers and firemen and store clerks and bankers and doctors and newscasters, Lanzaratta says. Its a total cross-section of whatever middle America or normal America is. Its couples looking for a social outlet. Theyre tired of theater and dinner and $100 nightclubs. They want to go to clubs where they can meet and socialize with nice couples, with no lecherous singles stuff or pickup scene. Its not a meat market; people who go to our clubs have no requirement to do anything.
Of course, if they do choose to do anything of a sexual nature, he says, theyve got privacy, anonymity and the company of other couples.
Sex is certainly a big part of it, Lanzaratta concedes, but its not the only thing.
Sampling of classified advertising on the Internet indicates that sex may be a bigger part of the lifestyle for some swingers than the ones with whom Lanzaratta is familiar. Here are some ads from San Diego swingers pulled off www.e-MacDaddy.com, a portal for adult sites:
From Dan: Hi, Im a good-looking and athletic male, looking to be a sex toy. I am putting myself out [for] any kind of adventure. 3somes or anything, Im game. Im disease and drug free and expect the same.
From Twoofus: Me and my wife are looking for a couple to swing with or a party to go to. Is there a good place to just sleep with many people at once? Any info would be helpful or another young attractive couple like ourselves that would be interested would be great.
From Shon: Wife and I are looking for a partner to join up for a night. Male or female. If male wifey says must be big. ... Females must be in shape, nice body. No skinny model chicks!
From SD and NW: We have been in the San Diego area a little over a year and we are interested in making new friends. We are interested in the swinger lifestyle. We are willing and able to try anything once and we would like to experience this lifestyle. We are a married (wife is bi) couple with no children. We are both clean and in good health. If we sound interesting to you, please e-mail us and we would like to meet you for dinner or just a coffee out. PLEASE NO BI OR GAY MEN.
So how does one go about joining a swing club? Lanzaratta says that regardless of whether a lifestyle club has a physical headquarters or consists of parties held in various places, the mechanism is the same. It all starts with an interview.
You contact them via phone or e-mail and then they talk to you, talk to the [partner], have you come into an office and meet you in person, he explains. They sit you both down and interview you to make sure both of you are on board with this. There have been instances in which the guy dupes the woman into doing this, and no one wants to have any problems.
Once the prospective swingers pass the interview hurdle, they pay an initial membership fee$130 is standard, and that includes the first partyand then are given a date, time and location of the next gathering. Most San Diego swing clubs hold get-togethers for couples every weekend, or every other weekend. Some are also open on Wednesday night, hump nightno pun intended, Lanzaratta says with a laugh.
Most parties are for couples only, but sometimes single men or single women are allowed intypically on Friday nights, when the actions a bit slower than on Saturday nights. The membership fees allow these functions to be private. If they were open to the public, Lanzaratta says, there could be problems.
Once at a party, couples pay a cover charge of $50 to $60. That fee buys them not just admission but also munchies.
Most of the nicer clubs have a nice buffet, Lanzaratta says. After dinner, you get up and sit somewhere and strike up a conversation with somebody else, he says. Most clubs have deejays playing music, so you get up and dance and mingle and drink a little to get more relaxed.
And from there, well, use your imagination. If its an on-premise club, theres an area for sex, Lanzaratta says. It could be a back room, it could be a bedroomthat varies greatly, too. Some couples will only be with another couple if theyre both there; others want to be separate. The orgy scene is not really that prevalentits usually two couples, three couples max. And then there are situations in which the man doesnt want to do anythinghe wants his wife or girlfriend to be with someone else.
Robin C. (not her real name) is a young North County mother who briefly tried the swinger lifestyle several years ago, before she and her husband had children. Speaking through an intermediaryshes deathly afraid of being identifiedRobin says she was enticed to try the lifestyle by her husband. After much prodding, she relented. They hooked up with another couple her husband knew and had sex with one another.
I knew it was wrong, but I did it, she says. Robin and her husband soon opted out of the lifestyle, but the memories are still painful. What were we thinking? she asks. This just isnt normal.
Lanzaratta isnt at all surprised at this story. He says the lifestyle is best suited to older couples who have been married for a while and who are on solid ground.
New relationships arent ready for something like this, he says. They have still got a lot to learn about each other. In fact, when we have a young couple come in, we give them some food for thought. We say, You guys might want to think about it for a while.
Young couples, Lanzaratta says, are also more likely to feel insecure, which can lead to jealousy and guilt.
Jealousy is pretty common in couples just starting out, he says. They need to separate love from sex. It [swinging] is recreation; its like going out and playing golf or tennis. And if they can keep it in that contextand if it is that for both partiesonly then are they ready. Sure, the first time there might be pangs of anxiety or jealousy, or Wait, you really enjoyed that; Ive never seen you like that.
But they need to discuss everything before they do it and after they do it, and make sure nothings hidden. If one partner is more gung-ho than the other, they need to take several steps back and regroup, and ask themselves, What are we trying to accomplish here?
Rich Hycer is a psychologist with a practice in Solana Beach. Since 1976, he has counseled hundreds of individuals and couples about relationships. He frowns on swinging just as he does on affairs, and says both can cause irreparable harm in a relationship.
In most cases, its really an avoidance of dealing with the issues, Hycer explains. Its much more important to look to ourselves and to whats going on between us and our partner than look outside the marriage.
He says people who are drawn to sex outside marriage, or outside a committed relationship, invariably are looking for a quick fix. They may feel their marriage or relationship isnt satisfying, but they dont want to go through the problems of divorce, he says. It may temporarily make people feel good, but it doesnt deal with the underlying issues that are going on in that marriage or relationship. It may be a short-term, feel-good experience, but it doesnt really solve issues and can become an avoidance.
Lanzaratta agrees that swinging can be detrimental for couples whose relationships are in trouble. But for those involved in solid, mutually satisfying relationships, he maintains, its just the oppositeit brings couples closer together and deepens their commitment. Its not the way to fix a bad marriage; its a way to enhance a good marriage.
What drives people to seek sex outside of marriage? Monogamy is unnatural, Lanzaratta sayswhich is why so many people have affairs, something he rails against.
He adds that, contrary to common thought, women are often the drivers behind a couples entry into the lifestyle.
A lot of women would like maybe to have an experience with another woman, but they have no idea how to go about it in regular society, Lanzaratta says. This is one place they can find it. This is very acceptable here. Its the covering up and the cheating that destroys a marriage, not the sex. This is something couples do together.