To: Linda Liberty
Your observations are, themselves, anecdotal, so take them for what they are worth. As to the cuasality, I think that if we are truly intellectually honest with ourselves we can come up with the answers. Part of the problem is that living together "as a test" is pre-programming yourself for failure in that, subconsciously, you are telling (programming) yourself that there is a "backdoor" out of this if things aren't to your liking. This kind of pre-programming makes it difficult later to stick through the problems and challenges that come in marriage. Please notice I didn't say impossible, just difficult. You've already trained yourself that there is a way out rather than going at it with the mindset that "this is it, no matter what, for better or worse, till parted by death".
My wife and I look at our marriage as absolutely final. Period. It's as if when we got married someone put us into this big steel room called marriage and then welded all the exits shut from the outside. We have mentally programmed ourselves that there is no option but to work out our problems. I believe (anecdotal evidence) that this has drastically reduced the number of problems that could have arose in our marriage. They were not problems because they did not have the option of being a problem!
I notice you didn't address the moral aspect either....?
29 posted on
07/31/2002 6:41:42 AM PDT by
Pablo64
To: Pablo64
I never cohabited as a test and I don't advocate it. I cohabited because it felt right at the time. I can't imagine feeling strongly enough about somebody to want to marry them and not feeling like I wanted to be around them before or to have sex with them, assuming I had no other commitment. The only reason I can imagine anybody would do that is because one felt a commitment to some rules that God or some other authority laid down, and I think such rules are long outdated, at least in the eyes of the majority of the population, and I think we are better off for that.
I personally view marriage as a commitment and not to be entered into lightly, especially once kids are involved, as I think did all my friends.
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