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The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked. The front of the church fills first."

The young priest nodded and the old one continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir, and we are packed to the balcony."

"Thank you, Father," answered the young priest, "I am pleased you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"Well," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional."

But Father," protested the young priest. "My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!"

"I know son," replied the old man. "But that flashing neon sign,.....
"Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell", can't stay on the church roof!"

For whatever reason, this made me think of you...hehehe.

REAL WOMEN VS. MARTHA STEWART

Martha's Way #1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the
bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of
the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. While eating it,
you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up
anyway.

Martha's Way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place
an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato
mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's Way #3: When a cake recipe calls for flouring
the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead
and there won't be any white mess on the outside of
the cake.

The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even
decorate it for you.

Martha's Way #4: If you accidentally oversalt a dish
while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will
absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."

The Real Women's Way: If you oversalt a dish while you
are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me The
Real Women's motto: I made it, and you will eat it, and I
don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's Way #5: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when
putting it in the refrigerator, and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's Way #6: Brush some beaten egg white over
piecrust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie
directions do not include brushing egg whites over the
crust, so I just don't do it.

Martha's Way #7: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut
it in half ,and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will
go away.

The Real Women's Way: Take a lime, mix it with tequila,
chill, and drink. You might still have the headache, but
who cares?

Martha's Way #9: If you have a problem opening jars, try
using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a nonslip grip
that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way: Go ask the very cute neighbor
to do it.

And finally the most important tip:

Martha's Way #10: Don't throw out all that leftover wine.
Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and
sauces.

The Real Women's Way: Leftover wine?