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I thought that you might possibly give me your undivided attention for a few moments here to the indisputable fact that the English language is beginning to be too grossly complicated, to the degree that it is virtually impossible for one to communicate a simple concept without having to resort to the use of long, complex, and sometimes totally needless and redundant thoughts that convey not all at what one intends to say, but, indeed, as a matter of fact, leaves the poor reader with a total sense of befuddlement and confusion that not only befuddles one’s mind and creates a rush to the medicine cabinet for appropriate medication(s), but even possibly causes one to give up entirely the effort at communicating with one’s fellow creatures and, finally, resulting in perhaps the total loss of Western civilization. At least, you may be absolutely assured that I would never resort to such behaviors as I am a firm believer, and always have been since the days of my youth, in simple, direct, to-the-point, non-redundant sentences that immediately convey to the reader my thoughts and, thus, for several reasons I choose to not get into at this time, for the sake of brevity, and to not prolong this brief note, I wanted to convey a brief example to you how the legal profession has so greatly messed up our most beautiful language, e.g.,

The King James version of the Bible is a model of simple style. “Give us this day our daily bread.” A sentence of only seven words, all but one of one syllable.

A lawyer would take the above line and say: “We respectfully petition, request and entreat that due and adequate provision be made, this day and date first above inscribed, for the satisfying of petitioners’ nutritional requirements and for the organizing of such methods of allocation and distribution as may be deemed necessary and proper to assure the reception by and for said petitioners of such quantity of cereal products (hereinafter called ‘bread’) as shall, in the judgment of the aforesaid petitioners constitute a sufficient…..”

Lord Nelson said, “England expects every man to do his duty!”

Nelson’s attorney rewrote the statement, to wit: “England anticipates that, as regards to the current national emergency, personnel will face up to the issues and exercise appropriately the functions allocated to their respective occupational groups.”

From us ("the wishor") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee") Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all

... and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2001, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that-

This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal
This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor
Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! What a wonderful gift this sentence is. One of my girlfriends and I like to go out, drink too much tequila and then try diagramming sentences. And this sentence is PERFECT for the over-tequila-ed mind!

re: post 38 on disclaimers -- Felix Gonzalez is our bartender and indeed he should be exempt for the reason stated.