Nice Yiddish tale (rough translation in parentheses)
There are these two alte maidel shvesters (old sisters), both of whom are virgins.
It's Saturday night, and Sadie looks at Molly and says, "Ich vilt nish shtarben a virgin (I don't want to die a virgin). Ich gayen arum & ich nist kimpt ahaim until I've been shtupped!" (I'm going out, and I'm not coming home until I've been laid).
Molly replies, "Vell, make sure you're home by 10:00, so I shouldn't worry about you."
Ten o'clock rolls around, and there's no sign of Sadie.
11 o'clock.
12 o'clock.
Finally about 1:15 AM the front door flies open. In comes Sadie, and she heads straight for the bathroom. Molly goes and knocks on the door.
"Do bist goot, Sadie?" (Are you okay, Sadie?)
No answer, so she opens the bathroom door, and there sits Sadie with her panties around her ankles, legs sishprait (wide apart), and her head stuck between her legs looking in her "knish" (you figure it out)!
"Vas is de mair [what's the matter), Sadie? Vat's wrong?" asks Molly again.
"Molly," replies Sadie. "It vuz ten inches long ven it vent in, and only five inches ven it kimpt (came) out.
Ven I find the other half, you're gonna have the time of your life!"