Your job is to round up a sufficient quantity of Ion Drive powered Asteroids to DETER anyone anywhere from pissing off the free citizens of New Freepia! OOH AH, BFD! The wahabbis know how to crash a plane!!! Hey, MECCA boy, Look up! Isn't that Ceres? Isn't it getting awfull Close? WOW it sure looks HOT! Why are all our beaten and mistreated animals running away like that? Their instincts seem to indicate something BAAAD is coming...Better see to the safety of My Goat Fatima!!! (Get it while you can Jihadi Joe, time for paradise approaches at 9.8mps^2 and be SURE to empty your AK at it as it comes in, it cracks the rest of the world up when you do that!LOL)
Islam is Piece(of SKY ROCK ON YOUR Moon worshiping HEAD, if you don't leave us infidels the heck alone!)
My approach to issuing permits for Mars settlement would be more like the Russian method than the American. If you have decided where you wish to homestead then make up a letter and I will initial it for the Czar. Then go. We probably won't see or hear of you again.