I understand your point though, really. It is different. I guess I just had a knee jerk reaction to those remarks.
But now, it's back to the ol' rigamorole for both of us.
I don't think you should feel that way. My theory is that we leave this world at a time appointed by G-d and I hesitate to say that because "how dare I" try to simplify or theorize something that I've never had to go through, to someone who has.
A relative once told me that my grandmother felt terrible guilt all her life after my mom's death, because she should have talked my mother out of traveling cross country, also that their last conversation was an argument.
My grandmother was so wonderful and we were very close, but the day she passed away, I was supposed to go and take her shopping, but she told me to leave it until another day because she had a headache. I thought of going anyway to take care of her, but I got busy, and I didn't know her headache was a cerebral hemorrhage and she died alone. The worst part was that we had had an argument a few days before because she bought me some apples to make a pie, and when she asked me if I had made the pie yet, I took out all my frustrations on her: The baby not sleeping, the grouchy husband, etc., etc. Anyway, I accused her of "always pressuring me" and some really mean things that I said to her that weren't true. I had apologized and planned to make it up to her, but didn't get the chance. That's why I really SHOULD have gone down that day and not wasted a moment's time in trying to make it up to her after the argument.
I felt so bad because I could imagine her last moments alone and thinking about our argument, also that I had promised I would take her to pick strawberries which she loved to do every year and hadn't been able to for a few years due to an amputation. She was starting to walk and I promised her that in a few weeks when the strawberries were out, she would see that she could still go and pick them and make jam like before. I couldn't understand why G-d would allow all this to happen when I just wanted to give something back to her (the strawberries, taking back the mean words), for the many things she had given me. If He had only let her live for a few more weeks... I wrote about what happened afterwards on the Strange Dream thread. I still know that what I did was terrible: yelling at my grandmother, but I've surrendered all of these sins and sorrows to Him.
The LORD will give strength unto his people; the LORD will bless his people with peace. Psalm 29:11