~~~ A Polish terrorist, Stanley Bin Ladinsky, hijacked a Goodyear blimp. So far he has bounced off of five buildings.
~~~ In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.
~~~ According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
~~~ Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~~~ Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.
~~~ Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
~~~ There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
~~~ How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?
~~~ Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
~~~ You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hang around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.