Posted on 05/14/2002 9:07:47 AM PDT by LavaDog
We've all heard that "breast is best" when it comes to feeding infants. But does the entire village have to share in the process?
Recently I was doing what I usually do with four young kids: Trying to keep from drinking until at least 4:00 in the afternoon. Part of that routine included getting the five-year-old to gymnastics class — with the three-year-old and the ten-month old in tow. Usually it's quite the mob scene. Moms and kids everywhere in a huge portion of the gymnastics floor loosely called the "entryway."
That day I had to do a double take.
Sitting right in the middle of all the kiddy and other traffic was an attractive thirty-something mom — with her shirt just about up to her neck and with no discernable undergarments, meaning, yes, she was bare-breasted, feeding her not-so-young child, probably about 14-months old. Let's be clear. She was leaning back on both hands, essentially thrusting out her chest, while the little guy held her completely exposed breast and sucked away, while she casually held a conversation with another mom. (I've probably already been a little too graphic for some my male readers. Chill out.)
I decided I had to say something. Now I've read there's a chemical in the brain that controls inhibition and that it sort of dissolves as one gets older. If that's the case then I expect to be truly dangerous by the time I'm 40. In any event, with my baby on my hip, holding another by the hand and the five-year-old following, I said "Is it too much to ask for you to cover up just a bit? If my eight-year-old son were here right now (never mind my hubby) I would be very uncomfortable." She looked at me as if I had not spoken English. I said, "I guess it would be too much to ask. " Major sigh.
This breastfeeding mom may have been one of the most blatant I've observed, but the fact remains that I've seen more breasts in my adult life thanks to mothers feeding babies than I ever did in a high-school locker room.
But breastfeeding in public does not have to mean publicly exposing one's breast. I've breastfed my four children, and on occasion when they were newborns and eating every hour or two I've even done so in certain public places where I knew I could be so discreet that no one would/could know. Very soon, of course, babies are — or should be — going hours between feedings. So, why can't a mother either arrange her outings around the feeding schedule of her little one, or at least take the simplest measures to be discreet when she doesn't?
But I've found that to even suggest that breastfeeding moms practice such thoughtfulness or self-restraint is considered scandalous in activist circles. (Never mind that I schedule around my four children all the time. For instance I might avoid adult-oriented restaurants or too many errands because it wouldn't be fair to the either kids or the other folks around them.)
Common courtesy, R.I.P.
I know this because having written a lengthier syndicated column on this very subject recently, I was bombarded by "hate mail" in response. But the biggest complaint by far was that I seemed to be a representative of some ancient civilization that viewed breasts as — gasp — sexual.
Well yeah, duh.
In some cultures, it may be that an enormous brass plate placed in a woman's stretched out lower lip is considered sexual, but in the West, it's breasts. (Whew.)
I asked several readers who wrote foaming, gasping e-mails to me, if they really don't view breasts as sexual then would they mind if I paraded half-naked in front of their husbands and sons? Okay, maybe the better idea would be somebody slightly better endowed parading in front of their husbands and sons, though I'm not sure that in the end it makes much difference and that just sort of reinforces the point.
Anyway, it does seem as if women who are adamant about public breastfeeding have another agenda in mind besides nourishing their infants. I mean why all the fuss over something that if done discreetly isn't even noticeable?
Because a woman's breasts are no longer just a part of her body, they are the ultimate political hot zone.
Breastfeeding advocates are actively pushing legislation in about 30 states that would enforce "breastfeeding anywhere anytime" laws. Many states, like California — no surprise — already have such legislation. And throughout the country, lawsuits over the public breast-feeding issue are rife. Guess who almost always wins?
In one case, the AP reported, a Hooters waitress had the gall to suggest she was "humiliated" to be told not to pump her breast milk by her superiors. (They didn't report it quite that way.) Don't get me started, except to point out that the idea that a Hooters waitress could be humiliated by anything is the definition of absurd.
But, it turns out she was on the cutting edge. Breastfeeding rights aren't good enough anymore. Today the golden ring is the right to PUMP anytime anywhere, though for now the emphasis is on the workplace with proposed federal legislation that, if its advocates have their way, will promise just that. Activists "claim" that women prefer to do this activity in private, but as they well know the reality is that that's hardly always possible. And nourishing for baby or not, you haven't seen unattractive until you have seen a woman "pumping." Been there, done that. In fact widespread viewing of this activity might be the one thing that really could desexualize breasts in our culture. (Hmmm. Could that be what the activists really want?)
In any event, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that many a "pumping mom" is just trying to make up for her guilt over letting someone else take care of her baby for most of the day.
Still, the ongoing, informal survey I've conducted over the years suggests that while there may be a growing tendency toward "I am woman watch me breastfeed," there are a whole lot of hairdressers, cab drivers, "housewives," professional women, husbands (enlightened or otherwise) — you-name-it — who remain quite emphatic that it's not something for the neighborhood or the office to share.
But, just try explaining that in a culture where it has somehow become "Women's breasts uber alles."
LOL. I suppose I could try to explain it to you but the point is so obviously above your comprehension that I think I'll pass. Have a nice day.
Quite the contrary. But I'm a patient woman, so I'll try again.
If I were being politically correct
You need to consult a dictionary. Seriously.
I'd accept your attempts to justify your bad manners
Now discreetly breastfeeding a baby in public is bad manners? WHY is it bad manners? Feel free to be specific.
Ah-ha ! I knew you didn't get it.
Always. That's the point. Breastfeeding is or should always be private time.
But, joathome, how could you ask that? Darlin' is going to great lengths to show us how s/he is not politically correct! LOL
1. Political correctness is no more than permissive "feel good" manners. Just wrap any convenient excuse around your bad behavior then flaunt it.
2. Not all nursing mothers do so discreetly and therein lies the problem. Besides, if you take the time to discreetly nurse your baby in public why not take another minute or two and go to a private place, out of public view to nurse your child ?
LMAO! You forgot to preface that statement with: IN MY OPINION. . .
Ok-- now please tell me how you are not trying to impose your beliefs on others, i.e. being politically correct.
Matter a fact.. little younguns wernt even taken to restraunts. I member the time when youd never even see a baby at a eatin out place... much less getting natural fed at a table.
Its just the way things was.
Aaarugh! <head-bang-wall>
WHY is it bad behavior? That's YOUR OPINION. By imposing YOUR OPINION on others, you are expecting the world to conform to what YOU deem appropriate. Now, again, be specific as to why you deem discreet public nursing to be bad behavior, and we can go from there.
Oh, BTW, this is a freebie. You can thank me later:
Main Entry: politically correct
Function: adjective
Date: 1936
: conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated
Nursing is a natural, non-sexual experience that shouldn't bother anyone but the prudes of this world when done M-O-D-E-S-T-L-Y!
Because frequently the only alternative is a hot, sweltering car or a filthy bathroom! Which place would you prefer to spend 30 minutes with a baby clinging to you? Geesh.
Aggie Mama, it is such a pleasure to discuss this with some one who "gets it!" Mom wins, the baby wins, we all win in terms of lower health care costs for breastfed infants.
Anyone who has nursing experience knows it can be done without revealing a thing. The exhibitionists out there are another matter altogether.
Granted, it is my opinion along with that of polite society. That you can not or will not accept it speaks volumes about you. Thank you for that quaint but dated 1936 definition of politically correct.
Thank you. You just made my point. You do it for your personal convenience.
In addition, babies with cows milk allergies, can avoid all the problems with allergies, if they are breastfed....as my younger boy got to be to where he could take milk in a cup, or munch on some cheese, or enjoy a little ice cream, I noticed he was developping a mild rash....when I took him to the doc for his monthly well baby visit, before I could say a word, the doc came in, noticed the rash, immediately commented that I must be feeding my baby dairy products, and then he said, "stop it, and just keep nursing him, it appears he is allergic to cows milk and hence that rash...
By nursing him, I avoided all the problems inherent in having a baby with a cows milk allergy...
Eventually the allergy disappeared and he can and does ingest huge amounts of dairy products with no ill effect...
So breastfeeding not only gives your baby the most perfect food, and provides a loving and strong bond between baby and mom, it also prevents harmful effects from any potential milk allergies...
1 - Is this really a problem? Are you really seeing indiscreet bare breasted women everywhere? - or are you arguing that the idea of it bothers you, whether you have actually ever seen it or not? I will reiterate, that I have only rarely seen women nursing in public where I could even tell what they are doing. Most women do, in fact, have some sense.
2 - As to your point about going to a private place. For purposes of discussion lets just say she is at a mall. As has already been pointed out to you, often the choice might be a hot car or a bathroom... So a woman should quietly sit where, on the toilet for 30 minutes? and her other child(ren) do what? - play in the other stalls?
What is really wrong with her slipping into a booth at one of the fast food places, ordering some snacks to entertain her other child(ren) for 30 minutes and quietly and discreetly breastfeeding the other? And I do mean what is really WRONG with it? Only a really nosy person would even notice, and they would notice what? A babe in the arms of a mom.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.