Posted on 05/14/2002 9:07:47 AM PDT by LavaDog
We've all heard that "breast is best" when it comes to feeding infants. But does the entire village have to share in the process?
Recently I was doing what I usually do with four young kids: Trying to keep from drinking until at least 4:00 in the afternoon. Part of that routine included getting the five-year-old to gymnastics class — with the three-year-old and the ten-month old in tow. Usually it's quite the mob scene. Moms and kids everywhere in a huge portion of the gymnastics floor loosely called the "entryway."
That day I had to do a double take.
Sitting right in the middle of all the kiddy and other traffic was an attractive thirty-something mom — with her shirt just about up to her neck and with no discernable undergarments, meaning, yes, she was bare-breasted, feeding her not-so-young child, probably about 14-months old. Let's be clear. She was leaning back on both hands, essentially thrusting out her chest, while the little guy held her completely exposed breast and sucked away, while she casually held a conversation with another mom. (I've probably already been a little too graphic for some my male readers. Chill out.)
I decided I had to say something. Now I've read there's a chemical in the brain that controls inhibition and that it sort of dissolves as one gets older. If that's the case then I expect to be truly dangerous by the time I'm 40. In any event, with my baby on my hip, holding another by the hand and the five-year-old following, I said "Is it too much to ask for you to cover up just a bit? If my eight-year-old son were here right now (never mind my hubby) I would be very uncomfortable." She looked at me as if I had not spoken English. I said, "I guess it would be too much to ask. " Major sigh.
This breastfeeding mom may have been one of the most blatant I've observed, but the fact remains that I've seen more breasts in my adult life thanks to mothers feeding babies than I ever did in a high-school locker room.
But breastfeeding in public does not have to mean publicly exposing one's breast. I've breastfed my four children, and on occasion when they were newborns and eating every hour or two I've even done so in certain public places where I knew I could be so discreet that no one would/could know. Very soon, of course, babies are — or should be — going hours between feedings. So, why can't a mother either arrange her outings around the feeding schedule of her little one, or at least take the simplest measures to be discreet when she doesn't?
But I've found that to even suggest that breastfeeding moms practice such thoughtfulness or self-restraint is considered scandalous in activist circles. (Never mind that I schedule around my four children all the time. For instance I might avoid adult-oriented restaurants or too many errands because it wouldn't be fair to the either kids or the other folks around them.)
Common courtesy, R.I.P.
I know this because having written a lengthier syndicated column on this very subject recently, I was bombarded by "hate mail" in response. But the biggest complaint by far was that I seemed to be a representative of some ancient civilization that viewed breasts as — gasp — sexual.
Well yeah, duh.
In some cultures, it may be that an enormous brass plate placed in a woman's stretched out lower lip is considered sexual, but in the West, it's breasts. (Whew.)
I asked several readers who wrote foaming, gasping e-mails to me, if they really don't view breasts as sexual then would they mind if I paraded half-naked in front of their husbands and sons? Okay, maybe the better idea would be somebody slightly better endowed parading in front of their husbands and sons, though I'm not sure that in the end it makes much difference and that just sort of reinforces the point.
Anyway, it does seem as if women who are adamant about public breastfeeding have another agenda in mind besides nourishing their infants. I mean why all the fuss over something that if done discreetly isn't even noticeable?
Because a woman's breasts are no longer just a part of her body, they are the ultimate political hot zone.
Breastfeeding advocates are actively pushing legislation in about 30 states that would enforce "breastfeeding anywhere anytime" laws. Many states, like California — no surprise — already have such legislation. And throughout the country, lawsuits over the public breast-feeding issue are rife. Guess who almost always wins?
In one case, the AP reported, a Hooters waitress had the gall to suggest she was "humiliated" to be told not to pump her breast milk by her superiors. (They didn't report it quite that way.) Don't get me started, except to point out that the idea that a Hooters waitress could be humiliated by anything is the definition of absurd.
But, it turns out she was on the cutting edge. Breastfeeding rights aren't good enough anymore. Today the golden ring is the right to PUMP anytime anywhere, though for now the emphasis is on the workplace with proposed federal legislation that, if its advocates have their way, will promise just that. Activists "claim" that women prefer to do this activity in private, but as they well know the reality is that that's hardly always possible. And nourishing for baby or not, you haven't seen unattractive until you have seen a woman "pumping." Been there, done that. In fact widespread viewing of this activity might be the one thing that really could desexualize breasts in our culture. (Hmmm. Could that be what the activists really want?)
In any event, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that many a "pumping mom" is just trying to make up for her guilt over letting someone else take care of her baby for most of the day.
Still, the ongoing, informal survey I've conducted over the years suggests that while there may be a growing tendency toward "I am woman watch me breastfeed," there are a whole lot of hairdressers, cab drivers, "housewives," professional women, husbands (enlightened or otherwise) — you-name-it — who remain quite emphatic that it's not something for the neighborhood or the office to share.
But, just try explaining that in a culture where it has somehow become "Women's breasts uber alles."
You're correct.That was a scummy thing to say.
When I knew I was going to be out in public for a while, I always made sure I nursed the baby before we went out...but depending on how long we were out, and what the circumstances were, I wound up having to feed my baby in public...
But I was always too modest to just fling my bare breast out...I always wore something which could be easily and modestly be used to conceal my nursing baby, and I could also do it in such a way that most people did not even know that I was nursing...
Sometimes a baby wants to nurse, not because they are hungry, but because they might be tired, or ill, or cranky, or bumped their head, or any one of many other reasons...
Personally, I am more offended by people who take offense to nursing moms in public, than I am by the nursing moms themselves...I am always pleased to see a mom who takes the time and effort to nurse their babies, rather than use a bottle...its just my personal belief that nursing is so much better for babies, and sometimes, much as a mother might wish to control the circumstances so that she does not have to nurse in public,sometimes nursing in public becomes necessary...
I would not have been offended either, by a woman who exposes her breast, as the woman in the article did, tho it would not have been the way I would have done it...But I just dont find it an offensive thing to do...
Oh, stop being so testy. Of course, it can be offensive. So is sneezing in someone's face. While motherhood does not confer special privileges or immunity to criticism it appears to temporarily eliminate rational judgement.
I agree! The woman in the article is the exception, I believe, not the rule. In my experience, one sees more breast tissue in a beer commerical than in the presence of a discreetly breastfeeding mother.
LOL. Check your mirror.
Ewww. I would be offended too, if someone sneezed in my face. But, what does that have to do with discreetly breastfeeding a baby?
While motherhood does not confer special privileges or immunity to criticism it appears to temporarily eliminate rational judgement.
LOL! You must have lots of kids.
If you have a point, feel free to make it.
Very well said. I share your philosophy. I don't think the same people who are offended by nursing moms would be less offended by a crying, hungry baby, either!
Yeah, eating pork is offensive to Muslims. So what?
Now all you young bucks come along an tell us things cant be a way when I know better. They can an was.
Like I told Darlin.. she's wastin her time. When you got to tell a skunk to stink they aint a point in it no more.
Funny thing about crying babies...for months, even for a few years, after I had stopped nursing my boys, whenever I heard a baby crying, especially a very young baby, with that young baby cry, my breasts would tingle, and I would begin to leak(Now I suppose someone will be offended by my mentioning this)...so whenever I went out into public, even tho my own boys were no longer nursing, I always had to wear those nursing pads in my bra, so that if I should come upon a crying baby(which one inevitably does), I would not wet my blouse...
I guess that link between a crying baby, and the activation of my hormones to make milk flow, was pretty strong...I suppose this is true of many women...
My one aunt in particular, had so much milk, long after she stopped nursing her boys, that she actually was able to hire herself out as a wet nurse(And this was as current as the 1950s)...As a kid, I wondered how she could have so much milk like that, but after nursing my own boys, I understand it better..
Even today, tho my younger boy is 28, whenever I hear a newborn crying, I get that old familiar tingle, tho I no longer leak...Its wonder to me how that baby to mom bond remains so very strong after all these years, even tho ones babies are now grown men...
LOL. You're making my point for me.
Apparently, public breastfeeding can drain one's ability to think and act rationally. If I were being politically correct I'd accept your attempts to justify your bad manners or I'd make excuses on your behalf. That would be politically correct. Telling you that motherhood does not give you license to impose your choices on those around you is not politically correct.
Ahem. You brought up sexuality and obscenity not me.
I've been addressing the bad manners and arrogant behavior of a few nursing mothers.
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