Hi Joe. Glad to see you are bartending. I am a little thirsty after consuming a ton of popcorn at the movie.Make it an Anchor Steam, if you please.
I took wife to see Spiderman. I loved it. But be forwarned. No sex. Minimal violence.
That being said, I would first like to alert all in the Smoker's Lounge to a news item I found.
Sort of makes me proud to be an American.
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http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2002/05/02/1019441406441.html
US sailors wear out sex workers
Perth May 2 2002
Perth prostitutes were reeling from exhaustion following an influx of United States sailors stressed from a stint in a war zone, a well-known madam said today.
Mary-Anne Kenworthy said she was forced to close the doors of her famous Langtrees brothel for only the third time ever yesterday because her prostitutes were so worn out they could no longer provide a quality service.
When she realised the sex workers just couldn't cope any more she closed Langtrees doors for a day rather than risk the brothel's reputation.
"We're the biggest and the best, I'd rather take nothing than offer a poor service," Ms Kenworthy said.
Langtrees did a week's business in just three days after 5,500 American sailors disembarked in Fremantle on Sunday, many of them stressed from their encounter with war, she said.
Three US warships - the aircraft carrier USS John C Stennis, the guided missile cruiser USS Port Royal and the fast combat support ship USS Bridge - were returning from taking part in the war against terror.
"A lot of it was stress, they'd been in the war zone," Ms Kenworthy said.
"And they were a lot more agitated sexually because they'd been at sea too long.
"All the sex workers in Perth would have been exhausted."
Ms Kenworthy said she had to close the doors when she realised some sex workers were taking money when they were not up to the job.
"The girls were starting to refuse to have sex but still wanted money just for taking their clothes off."
Ms Kenworthy said she wished the US sailors would arrive in smaller numbers.
"I just wish they could dribble-feed the Yanks in, fly a thousand off at a time," she said.
"We usually find the Yanks are hard work but lots of fun, this time they needed the company too."
Ms Kenworthy said the last time she closed the brothel's doors was on December 31, 1999 - so the girls could party.
AAP
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Later I will post a few jokes. Loved the ones already here.
Here you go, Doc.
And maybe another one for you.
A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe.
As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.
A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on.
As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shoots the horse dead.
The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"
The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"
I just stopped by to tell you all a couple of jokes, like I promised.----------------------------
In the washroom
Leaving Montreal, I decided to stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road.
I went into the washroom. The first stall was taken, so I went into the second stall.
I had just sat down when I hear a voice from the other stall...
"Hi there, how is it going?"
Okay, I am not the type to strike up conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road.
On the other hand, I didn't want to be thought of as rude.
So finally I said, "Not bad."
Then the voice says, "So, what are you doing?"
I was starting to find this a bit weird, but I said, "Well, I'm going back east."
Then I hear the person, all flustered, say, "Look, I'll call you back--every time I ask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me!!!"
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MORE DUMB BLONDES
EXPOSURE
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.
A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
She says, "Why, officer?"
"Because your breast is hanging out."
She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"
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OVERWEIGHT BLONDE
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds"
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.
"No, from all that skipping."
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SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
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THE VACUUM.
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
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Another Golf Story
The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.
"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."
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Now, go and have a great weekend!