Posted on 04/17/2002 6:58:59 AM PDT by RikaStrom
Gearin' myself up for the 8-miler this weekend... I think I'll be all free-spirited and sh!t and run in the buff... Whaddya think...
A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled to the boyfriend, "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, my husband's home early!"
The boyfriend looked out the window and said, "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there!"
She said, "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!"
So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street, he discovered he had run right in the middle of a town marathon, so he started running along beside the others. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.
One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
He answered, while gasping for air, "Oh, yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
The other runner then asked the nude man, "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
The nude man answered breathlessly, "Oh, yes, that way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
The runner then asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
He replied "Only if it's raining."
STARING:
TOM CRUISE – LAWYER
JACK NICHOLSON – ARTHUR ANDERSEN AUDIT OFFICER
Tom Cruise: “Did you order the shredding?”
Jack Nicholson: “You want answers?”
Tom Cruise: “I think I’m entitled.”
Jack Nicholson: “You want answers!!”
Tom Cruise: “I want the truth!”
Jack Nicholson: “You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has financial statements. And those financial statements have to be audited by men with calculators. Who’s gonna do it? You? Dept. of Justice? KMPG? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Enron and you curse Andersen. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Enron’s death, while tragic, occurred because we were trying to save investors. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves investors. You don’t want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that audit. You need me on that audit! We use words like materiality, risk-based, special purpose entity, control reliance. We use these words as the backbone to a life spent auditing something. You use ‘em as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very “risk-assurance” I proved, then questions the manner in which I provide it. I’d prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a pencil and work on an audit. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!!”
Tom Cruise: “Did you order the shredding????”
Jack Nicholson: “You’re damn right I did!”
I dunno, I've been trying to find a thread on it because I'm too damn lazy to post it myself, plus I've been workin' and sweatin' hard tryin' to get this ion beam up to get some secondary emission... Enough to make ya go blind, ya know?
shaking undoughtily
This is really bad, but I'm among friends - 10 minutes after the gasman left - the cable company called because that bill hadn't been paid either.
And I'm wondering why I have to get a job????
xshub was POd at me for not calling him the minute i was not able to use the card at the Giant. But i had no idea what was up, it had never happened to me before, and so i didn't know what to make of it, just used a different card. when he wasn't able to use the card later that same afternoon, he called on the spot, and that was the first that we knew that someone had been using it, when he was told that we have exceeded the $25k credit limit! i don't think so!
ROTFLMAO!
Always doughty and scurrilous,
She leads the media chorus.
As daily she proves,
With Ari's reproves,
Helen is one dowdy Thomas.
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LoanPalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
GAWD.....
It turned out that the boyfriend of our waitress tried to make some big electronics purchases at two local Radio Shacks. One of the clerks knew him and knew that he was not me. The VISA monitoring software picked it up at the same time.
If you ever have a problem with any VISA you can call 1-800-VISA911.
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LoanPalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
this was Mastercard and i was not impressed with their handling of this, since i would think that $20k worth of computer hardware would send up a red flag and prompt a phone call to the cardholder.
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