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Religious humor is too PC for FR now. Oh well, pull it with no explanation, and I'll post it again.

POLICE MUST NOTIFY RESIDENTS WHEN
CATHOLIC CHURCH MOVES INTO NEIGHBORHOOD
Controversial "Egan's Law" Expected to Gain Widespread Support

Trenton, N.J. (SatireWire.com) — Under a new law designed to protect minors, local police departments will now be required to inform residents any time a known Roman Catholic church moves into their neighborhood.

New Jersey State Senate debating Egan's Law

The law also mandates that Catholic churches register with authorities, wear electronic monitoring devices, and be prohibited from moving to within a half-mile radius of a school.

A follow-up to Megan's Law, enacted by New Jersey in 1994, the so-called "Egan's Law" is named for Cardinal Edward Egan of New York and Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston, who are both accused of covering up sexual abuse by priests under their authority. Like Megan's Law, Egan's Law is expected to spread quickly to other states, but for parents in towns across New Jersey, it's on the books none too soon.

"Last year, we discovered that a Catholic Church had been in our neighborhood for 30 years! And nobody told us!" said Ruth Harper of Redbrook, N.J. "My sons used to walk by that church every day on their way to school. Even now I shudder to think of what might have happened."

"I always told my kids to steer clear of that place," added neighbor Scott Carlyle. "But that's because there were a lot of strange people going in and out at odd hours, even at midnight on Saturdays. I was worried it was some kind of druggie hangout.

"To think the whole time it was a Roman Catholic Church. Now I know why they had all those stained glass windows —. so nobody could look in."

Critics, however, charge that Egan's Law is unconstitutional, specifically because it relies on religious profiling and is intended to safeguard only one segment of the population: young males. But State Sen. Carmela Truto, a Catholic who co-sponsored the bill, used church doctrine itself to prove only one segment needs protection.

"In the Catholic Church, after 2,000 years, Mary is still a Virgin," she said. "So clearly, they're not interested in girls."

The USSR won the war, because the Germans did not know the correct way to relieve themselves (0)

The Wermacht’s instructions were found in the archives by Aleksey Kirichenko, a scientist from the Institute of Asian Studies of the Russian Academy of Sciences. It is known that the translation of the instructions were put on Stalin’s table on May of 1942. They say that Stalin laughed his head off, and then realized that the Germans would lose the war.

“The command for urination was “Relieve yourselves!” When the urine stream comes out, a man makes a one-eighth turn to the right and steps his leg aside in this position in order to prevent it from spattering on his clothes. The urine stream is like a parabola, on which the urine stream goes, cutting the discharge canal in the so-called point of spattering. After urination, a man stands still for a certain period of time and then makes a step back.

Relieving oneself is usually performed in a sitting position. A man lifts the rear parts of the clothes up and then squats down, until the buttocks touch the toilet seat. The body weight is distributed over both of the buttocks equally. The upper part of the body is bent a little forward, the elbows rest on the soft muscles of the front part of the legs,and the eyes look straight ahead. After relieving the himself, a man stands up, making a one-eighth turn to the left, lifts up the rear part of the butt, takes the toilet tissue with a thumb and a point finger of the right hand, and moves it between the buttocks, slightly pressing on the tissue. It is not allowed to eat, sleep, lie down, or take gifts during the stay in the closet.”

Translated by Dmitry Sudakov