A man is sitting in a restaurant enjoying some soup when he drops his spoon to the floor.
Within a second, the waiter standing next to him reaches into his jacket's breast pocket and produces a new spoon, which he gives to the man.
"That's amazing!",responds the man, "it was almost as if you knew I was going to drop my spoon."
"Well," replies the waiter,"in a way I did. You see, we had an efficiency expert come in and he made a lot of suggestions to save the restaurant money. For instance, he found that the number one thing that customers drop is their soup spoon. So by each of us carrying a soup spoon in our breast pocket we are able to save time and money. Instead of having to run back to the ktichen each time someone drops their spoon, we are able to give them a clean one immediately."
"Why, that's amazing", exclaimed the man. "What else did he teach you?"
"Well, do you see this string hanging out of my zipper?
"Yes," replied the customer.
"I'm sure you've seen those signs in the restrooms that say, 'Employees must wash hands after use', well that takes up a lot of time. So what he had us do is tie a string to our private part, so we can unzip and pull it out without touching it, thereby keeping our hands clean and eliminating the need to wash our hands. More time and money saved."
"Incedible!" said the man. "But tell me, how do you get it back in your pants?"
Glancing around the waiter replied, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."
One day about fifty years ago a guy comes in and orders lunch. When the waiter delivered it, his thumb was in the mashed potatoes.
The customer exclaimed: "Why did you stick your finger in my mashed potatoes?"
"Well," the waiter said, "I have arthritis in my thumb and the warmth of the potatoes makes it feel better."
"Y'know what?" the irate customer asked, "Why don't you shove that thumb up your *ss!"
"I do that BETWEEN courses!" the waiter exclaimed.