My favorite Scottish joke:
A Scotsman opens his pay envelope and that finds he’s been overpaid by 10 pounds. He says nothing.
The next week, he opens his pay envelope and finds that he’s been underpaid by 10 pounds. Furious, he goes to see the paymaster.
Scotsman: I’m very angry! You’ve underpaid me by 10 pounds!
Paymaster: You didn’t complain last week when we overpaid you.
Scotsman: I can overlook one mistake. But not two in a row.
Q: How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A: VERRRRY satisfying!
Hah! Very funny! Here's my fave:
A new doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital.As they enter one ward, the nearest patient turns to him and says “Fair fa’ your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o’ the pudden race!”
Before the doctor can react, the patient in the next bed adds “Wee sleekit cowerin’ timorous beastie! O what a panic’s in thy breastie!”
And not to be outdone, the third patient responds “Some ha’ meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat that want it!”
The doctor murmurs to the orderly “So this is the mental health ward?”
“Och no!” replies the orderly.
“...it’s the Serious Burns Unit!”