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Happy Father’s Day to all the Freeper Dads
I didn’t have a perfect father. home life was not good. But the one thing he did do right overcame everything else. He was proud of me.
My wife and I made the very tough decision that we did not want to have children. Our boys haven’t spoken to us since. Bada Bump.
The most important thing I did right when they were young was to always treat them like "first class members of the household" - asking them opinions on things that affected the family. And, more generally, staying socially and intellectually engaged with them. I also kept them involved in karate, starting in daycare. Within two months of starting karate in their daycare they were going to the dojo 3-4 times per week (and for the next 17 years!).
My youngest was maybe eight years old when I walked past him one day during summer break and he mentioned that he was bored. This was in the days when his contemporaries were reading the one or two "Harry Potter" books that had been released.
I grabbed a rather thick fantasy paperback book from our bookshelf that I had saved from my college days, tossed it at him, and said .. "Here kid, read this!". When I walked past his room a couple of months later I noticed the the entire book series, and related books (there must have been 40 of them!), lined up beside his bed. He had bought, and read, the entire collection from eBay. It was that book series ("The Dragonlance Chronicles") that I credit for having ignited his mind. He ended up being the smartest person in the house, becoming a National Merit Scholar, and is now a medical doctor.
When my sons got out of college and got out in the world I told them that I would be happy to take "every crap sandwich" off their table for the first two years, and to split the cost of every crap sandwich for the two years following that. These days I've tapered off to a policy of covering hotel costs if they ever find themselves driving while sleepy. That offer will extend as long as I'm alive.
One day while he was early in his career and struggling, and I happened to be "in high cotton" I told my oldest son that I would give him $1000 with a single string attached - that he had to use it to become an investor. I asked him last year how much he now had under investment, and was stunned to hear it was at $100,000. (I should not have been that surprised, when I talk to him these days it's like talking to Warren Buffet.)
I've often thought that Father's Day should actually be Kid's Day - a celebration of their wonderful accomplishments. These days I've retreated to a huge old house in the country that I maintain as a "Noah's Ark" for their households, should that ever be needed. And, I've become a bit of a "dad" to some of the fine young men from poor households around here. I guess some habits die hard.
Children don’t want perfect fathers. They want, simply, fathers. Being there fulfilling your dad role is enough.