There's hope for me yet!
It only takes money.
Well there's always hope if you have scads of cash and fame.
An immensely rich 72 year old with a 23 year old. But what the hell, get a good prenup that insures his kids of the past get their fair share and 10% for the new lady. 10% of 70 million is not a bad cut.
You seem to have forgotten about the six Super Bowl rings? But once you get those, I think you're good!