NOPE! The absolute worst thing my spouse can tell me is “I told you...”. This statement only accomplishes making any situation worse, feeds the ego of the person saying it, makes the person on the receiving feel even worse because they ALWAYS know exactly when they were told whatever it is. Of the communication rules that my spouse and I have, this one is pure gold for keeping the peace and working out solutions to problems.
I remember when I was a kid I would listen to my grandfather and grandmother argue like crazy.
I was always the analytical sort so I tried to figure out what was happening that caused the arguments and kept them going.
After a while I figured out they both had two problems:
—Their hearing was not great and they were misunderstanding what the other person said
—They were forgetting things and then wrongly blaming the other person.
So, now that I am older I have a couple of tricks to keep everybody calm.
If my wife said “you said X” and I don’t recall saying X I just tell her the truth in a nice way.
“My memory is not that good these days so I am sure you are not surprised that I do not remember that.”
Then if my wife does not understand me or misunderstands me I slow down my speech, move closer to her to make sure she can hear me and simplify it to make sure she can understand it.
That works well.
We get to make jokes about memory and hearing loss—and everything is good.