Posted on 07/18/2024 8:45:57 AM PDT by Navy Patriot
So, you've heard all about the many jobs opening up in the Secret Service after the Trump Rally Debacle -- but do you have what it takes to be an elite guardian for the highest-ranking public servants in the nation?
We at the Babylon Bee have compiled a list of the 12 requirements that Secret Service recruiters are looking for. Do you measure up?
1. Ability to navigate deadly 5-degree roof pitch: Not for the faint of heart.
2. Can holster a gun in under sixty seconds: Bonus points if you can get it in four tries.
3. Able to avoid getting distracted by people screaming, "Hey, there's a guy with a gun on the roof.": Focus is key.
4. Be less than 5'6" tall: Must be able to easily hide behind the President.
5. Able to do at least two girl push-ups: Only the best for the president. ....
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
The Secret Cervix.
Again, the Bee is closer to the truth with a parody article than what’s being dished by the “main stream” media. Surprised no DEI or pony tail requirements for both male & female agents.
I believe that woman is the now ubiquitous meme is not a Secret Service agent. I believe she is a US Marshal. Nonetheless, protecting the president on your first day on the job certainly can be stressful.
I apologize for my misspelling!
#1 room temperature IQ
#2 willing to follow any insane order
#3 lack of situational awareness
#4 fear of heights
Must look good in dark sunglasses.
All of those positions involve stress. If you cannot take it, take a walk.
I hear Uvalde police dept is looking for someone less cowardly than present force. Try there.
CAN you Show the ACTUAL slope of the roof!!! MORE POWERFUL TO SEE HOW ALMOST FLAT IT WAS!
Just to be clear, I agree. While clarifying she is a US Marshal, the second point I was indirectly trying to make is that she should have been nowhere near a presidential detail.
Humor is an effective tool for change. These errant federal agencies need an overwhelming, unceasing flow of it.
Agree.
Hilarious!
bttt
The Bee Stings Again!
Regardless, the point is made.
Must be able to leap tall outhouses n a single bound.
Lotta illegal mexicans gonna be applying, given who I see on peoples rooftops around me...
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