Sorry, I misunderstood your intent. I’m 74, and I’m just as confused as you are. I usually use the pronoun that seems to accurately describe the individual. If he or she is offended. so be it. But, I’m retired and don’t need to worry about it.
We’re in the same boat. I am also retired, a widower, and with no one to answer to, I feel free to say what I want, when I want.