That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling since the death of my son last summer. It’ll be a year on June 19th. I can’t imagine my life ever getting better but I just keep plowing on because I still have my husband, 2 daughters, and 3 grandchildren to look after. Grief is all encompassing and insidious.
Prince of Space and Jim, I lost my 34 year old son this April to a house fire in the night, a shock I am dealing with. I was not prepared for how grief wears on a person. The other deaths in my experience have been sad, but from age for the most part. The suddenness and horror of this death and the difficulty as a whole of his life leave me with many questions. And I completely understand the feeling of losing the will to live. Living is an issue of will, of fight, living takes energy and motivation that is hard to muster when you just want to see the person and be with them in their restored happy state of living with God in spirit form.
But I do have continuing duties here on Satan’s planet—I have a grandchild that needs a grandmother as good as the grandmothers I had as a kid. I have a husband (not my child’s dad) who is as sweet and good a man as God created who has been to hell and back and deserves a life with love in it. And God has given me the gift of excellent health.
I have two adult children who are young and starting their adult lives without their oldest brother who died in the fire......they maybe need me to be the family rock as I have always been.