I had to laugh at your convo with your mother, but I’m sure it’s no fun to live with. At least you can see how your brother turned out that way. My condolences. Many families have this condition now.
When I was growing up learning about the Civil War, we were taught it was often “brother against brother”, and groups would split off into northern and southern sympathizers — during the CW, there were two Methodist churches in the same block in the next town up from us, one for the blues and the other for the grays. And now, many of us are beginning to feel how these things could happen.
Funny you bring up the Civil War... I left Maine in 1980 after joining the Navy. Been all over the world and lived south of the Mason Dixon line ever since. Wife and I retired and live in Georgia. I consider myself a gray now !!