I think that the various ways to deal with various levels of dispute is laid out for us in Scripture as well.
The deep anger, hurt and division caused by childhood neglect or abuse is no where near the slight of a friend, or a casual acquaintance, for instance.
What you went through in your life required a deep moving of God and the Holy Spirit, through conviction or a dream, and you acted on that, and wisely.
For casual friends, or even good friends, and acquaintances, peers, people in the work place, church, school, etc., two important teachings that help are to be slow to anger, and slow to take offense.
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19,20).”
It’s very easy to have something said and possibly take it the wrong way and be slighted. This can happen online especially. You never know how someone may mean something. Unless it’s an outright attack, I choose to ignore it and give the person the benefit of the doubt. Heck, I’ve been with friends and we’ve been laughing and joking and having fun, and then someone might say something that just comes out wrong, and I know they don’t mean to be unkind, so nobody pays any attention to it. Slow to be offended, slow to anger.
As long as we don’t hold anger, it’s also sometimes necessary to correct someone. For example, a bully at school who is nasty to the kids in the hallway, being rude and saying unkind things, should be stopped. The school needs to make it clear to him, without anger, that this is unacceptable. It would not be fair to the others to let the bully continue and just tell them to forgive him. There is something required on the part of the bully, more so than his victims. To let the school bully continue in his ways is being very cruel to the others. If that bully refuses to listen to fair and reasonable admonishment, then he is dealing with a spirit of pride or rebellion, possibly both.
We are instructed to stand up for those who need help. We can’t let people run roughshod over others, especially our young people, and just tell them to forgive....sometimes action is necessary....sometimes we have to tell the bully to stop being a bully. Sometimes, however, the line of least resistance, the easier way out, is to ask the victim to bend rather than confront the bully. I saw this happen a number of times when the kids were in high school.
In the same way, we are supposed to stand up for ourselves, without anger.....and we are supposed to forgive, not only once, but all the time! Lol standing up for oneself is not the same as holding a grudge, or being angry.
Luke 17:3-4 So watch yourselves.
“If your brother or sister[a] sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. 4 Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
Scripture is very clear on how we resolve petty differences, which happen much more often and are much less important (at least in my eyes) than deep and hurtful family turmoil.
Ok, that’s my sermon for today lol. Sorry for the rant! Will you forgive me? Of course you will! You have to lol!
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Thanks for sharing that, good advice.
“There is something required on the part of the bully, more so than his victims. To let the school bully continue in his ways is being very cruel to the others.”
True. Telling the victims to forgive is making them a victim twice. And in our mamby pamby world, this happens more and more
We need real men to be dads