Posted on 07/19/2023 3:58:04 PM PDT by nickcarraway
Paddy?
5.56mm
if you add milk? Frog nog!
I also have a dark sense of humor. Even after being retired from hardware/software engineering for several years, I taught Embedded Computing in high school. The students screamed and howled at some of my quips and looked truly shocked at others. Once I told them that anyone who got below 60% on the next test would be crucified in the town square on the following Saturday morning. The rest were required to attend and should bring a packed lunch. It sure was quiet in there for awhile.
You know what one tampon said to the other tampon, huh?
Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches
hehehehheeeee!!
The year was 1974. A Moscow resident collected all the cash his family had saved for the last thirty years, and set off to the car dealership to purchase a new car. When he got there he had to sign in and pay the entire amount up front. He asked the clerk when he could pick up his car, to which the clerk replied, “March 28, 1983”. The man asked the clerk, “Would that be in the morning or the afternoon?” The clerk got angry and asked, “What difference does it make?” The man replied, “Well, I really have to tell the plumber something”.
Dan Akaroyd and the bag of broken glass.
You know how they punished Helen Keller as a child. Rearranging the furniture.
I still remember some from the early 1960s. Why do ducks have flat feet? From stomping out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? From stomping out burning ducks.
Then there are those vile ones about babies. What is red and white and sits in a corner? A baby playing with razor blades.
There are others more vile than these.
“With gums like that, who would.”
Mine is:
"OK, he's dead. Now what?"
Most of you know nothing about dark humor. Dark humor is when I’m cracking jokes at my vet as he puts my dog down.
But here’s one for you. What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs?
Consuelo.
When Don Lemon’s sister drowned in a fishing accident, someone commented “I didn’t know she was also an anchor.”
That was terrible, just terrible.
How do you confuse Helen Keller?
Make her read a stucco wall
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me life.
Problem solved.
Anthony jeselnik is the king of dark comedy. I might have the spelling wrong but I have never heard jokes like his in a standup comedy routine. Like this. “ have you ever gone online to see the Sex offenders addresses around your house? There are everywhere. Because they are everywhere why do we always meet at my place”. Like that.
That last batch read like “Dad Jokes.”
Does anyone think this is funny? I laughed until I cried, and for days afterward just remembering it made me laugh.
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