Y’all listen up, cause I’m only gonna say this once!
We’ve got a heap of trouble comin’ our way, faster than a greased pig at the county fair! Them slick city folks at DARPA are unloading a whole mess of robotic dogs on us. These ain’t your grandpappy’s coonhounds, I’m tellin’ ya! These metal mutts got more tricks up their sleeves than a Nashville con man.
They’re smarter than a whip and slipperier than an eel in a bucket of snot. They’re aimin’ to poke and prod us with their so-called ‘kinetic vaccine delivery systems.’ But lemme tell you somethin’, ain’t no dog of mine gonna walk up to me with a syringe in its mouth!
So, I’m calling out to all you good ol’ boys and belles, it’s time to batten down the hatches! We got to put a spoke in their wheel before they’re on our porches, jabbering in our mama’s voices and knowing more about us than Aunt Patty knows about everyone’s business.
Holler at your kin, your neighbors, even that oddball Earl from down the road. We’re tougher than a two-dollar steak, and we ain’t gonna roll over for these tin-can terriers!
Let’s show these robo-dogs they’ve kicked up a hornet’s nest! Y’all know what they say, ‘Don’t poke the bear.’ Well, they’re about to find out, you don’t mess with small town folk! Let’s rustle up some good ol’ country strong fellers and give these high tech hell hounds the boot!
C’mon y’all, it’s time to ride!”
Boy, I’d follow you anywhere with a speech like that.