Sort of. With my mother dying as well as my brother I am heartbroken. I was invited to my daughters to spend the night but I think I will just go in the morning. For 65 years I always spent Chritmas with mom. Empty now.
You are never alone.”
“Whereby some entertained angels”
Stay busy. You have a gift. He has given all a measure of Faith.
My condolences. So sorry to hear about your mother and brother.
I’m so sorry. This will be my 61st consecutive Christmas with mom and I can’t imagine it any other way. I hope you find joy in this empty time.
Before I stopped drinking 33 years ago, I didn’t know if I had the capacity to love. (All I felt were drunk or angry)
Often, I need to remind myself that when my heart is breaking as I watch a loved one die, that I do have the capacity to love. I can’t be heartbroken unless I have loved first.
My mom was with me when I took my first breath, and I was able to hold her as she took her last breath.
Prayers.
A friend of mine, recently tried to explain an experience he had with God. My friend had a stroke and then recovered over a period of years. He seems to physically and mentally do so well now.
Yet, at a low - and seeming to go much lower, quickly - point in time, after his stroke, my friend was amazed to find himself accelerating out of what he feared was a downward escalation.
Somehow - and I wish that I could remember his words - my friend felt as though God had wrapped His arms around my friend.
IIRC, my friend told me three times, that: “God wraps his arms around you.”
But I still cannot recall, how my friend sensed the build-up to that moment of God’s arms around him . . . or you.
I wish I could remember, but I am embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself, lest he think I failed to *closely* pay attention.
Yet, at least I remember His Arms around you. And, I believe my friend.
Because 10 years ago, God showed up, when I was under extreme pressure, as I was being severely criticized and shunned by several people who had been led to completely misunderstand a series of events, during which, I had failed to show up at Christmas the same year that my father had passed.
God knew what I had actually done, and He showed up to take away all my worries about what was happening in the days that followed. He effectively wrapped His arms around me, then.
Lately, under a certain amount of duress, caused by a weakness of mine, I think that He was trying to mildly give me some pointers - a bit of guidance - but I missed an opportunity because I feared losing a good neighbor.
My fear of losing a good neighbor, stopped me from doing what might have been the right thing to do, finally, for my (I cannot say, here).
The result of my failing, is that I am more alone; yet, I think, maybe, I did help my neighbor to gain peace.
Now with my “more alone,” I try to think of God’s Arms wrapped around.
It is such a hard concept, that a lone individual would matter; but, I do have the memory of Him, coming to my rescue, 10 years ago.
About 3 days ago, I was (without her knowing) praying for the well being - the blessings - for a young lady who has been thru a lot. Her mother passed years ago; her father, relatively recently.
And that was followed by relatives raiding the property; one relative in particular, walking away with items of value; leaving this young lady with the structure (in need of repair). Followed by, most of the structure burning away.
After which, she has been homeless for over a year, now, struggling to keep her head up - in the face of a tendency by people in her life, to use her.
So, I was praying for her, asking for God, Jesus, to bless her.
When suddenly she said to me, how she had been blessed with _____ (I missed again, exactly what). Well, anyway, she right there, a moment after I had prayed for blessings, she is talking about how blessed she was for this and that.
I was amazed.
You can barely believe how, despite her struggles (understatement), she has been trying to help another person who lost his own home and now lives in a friend’s garage.
That fellow now living out of his friend’s garage, has cancer.
My young lady friend, who is homeless, does not even own a winter coat, but she is helping this fellow who is trying to just keep himself a viable part-time garage tenant.
They struggle to do the right thing. There are so many temptation side roads to life, but especially in their lives.
“Especially” because, in order to have at least some happiness in the face of the many, many obstacles in their lives, it is easy to try and forget the burden . . . by getting off that heavy-hearted highway, and unfortunately into some kind of trouble.
On the side roads of temptation, there are so many people who almost professional in that they love to mess with you, instead of loving you as Jesus asks/commands.
Instead of simply being kind.
Kindness, that is an amazing gift, when you have nothing else to give.
With all this going on, and my failing to properly honor the birth of Jesus today (because, I just feel like I have failed), I recall that around Wednesday of this week, I came across another young lady who only moments after we met, told me that she was suicidal.
I was about three feet away from her. I opened my arms wide, and not take a step toward her, I just stood their and looked into her eyes and told her, “I love you.”
And I meant it.
I asked her if she reads, does she like to read books?
No, she said. Followed by her saying, “I’m not smart.”
I said, “I think you are smart.”
It was obvious that she is a young lady who thinks - indications being strong in her manner of speaking.
I suggested that she start up some kind of daily journal?
An eyebrow rised up.
I suggested maybe some reading, anyway.
Thereafter, we parted, and I finished my business at the store. Then, I quickly went to Walmart and picked up a notebook and some books for her to read. Then, quickly back to that store, where I wandered a bit, but found her.
I said to her, “Merry Christmas, these are for you.”
In the lighting of the store, I did not see the moisture develop around her eyes, but I heard her say: “Can I hug you?”
Yes.
As we hugged, I told her again, “I love you.” And, “Don’t quit. Just apply yourself.”
And we parted. Yet, about ten feet away, I turned to see that she was also turning toward me, and I nodded toward her; and then I left the store.
Anything I do, such as that, is Jesus in me, I like to figure. I want people to see something of Jesus. I want to give, kindness. And if I am able, to let a person know that I do love them.
And, I love you.
My prayer, is for God’s arms wrapped around you.
My mom killed herself in 1967, right after I graduated from high school. I am pleased to hear that you had your mother for so long. I sure would have liked mine to have met her grandchildren.