But it identifies as tuna, and that makes it tuna.
Perfect! That’s what they tell us about all these trans-gender people!
Whiny Little Bobby: Mom, the tuna doesn’t taste as good as it used to.
Narrator: Millions of Americans feel the same way little Bobby does, ever since companies came out with dolphin-free tuna.
Bobby: The tuna doesn’t taste as good as it used to.
Narrator: Luckily, not every company shamelessly bends over and drops their pants for each whiny special interest group that comes along and complains about something. When animal rights activists pressured Weemsco into eliminating the dolphin in our tuna, we politely said ‘pfft. Get a life!’ Weemsco Tuna has the great dolphin flavor you grew up with. In fact, it’s chock full of dolphin because now there’s more for us to use. Weemsco Tuna tastes great because it’s a secret blend of tuna, dolphin, shark, medical waste, and dead sea turtles who choked on deflated helium balloons.
Bobby: The tuna doesn’t taste as good as it used to.
Mother: But this is Weemsco Tuna, honey. Try it!
Bobby: Mmmmmm!