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Oh come visit Portland, come live it and learn it,
A city so pretty we sack it and burn it,
A place with a face that is frequently twisted,
With anger and hatred that can't be resisted.
We'll fire-bomb the shops and we'll fire-bomb your car,
And we'll loot and we'll shoot every place that you are,
We are loud and we're proud and we're frequently rude,
And we think that you stink with a bad attitude.
So come on and visit! There's still to be found,
An attraction we haven't yet burned to the ground,
A meal unmolested with very good luck,
We're Portland! You're America! We think that you suck!