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But I am a cat whisperer, and have been friend to countless felines.

I notice you say YOU have been friend to countless cats. As have I. I have studied the feline mind almost as much as I have the human one.

I do know that of which I speak.

You can be a friend to a cat, and the cat can, and will, often PRETEND to be friend to you. But they are not.

Cats do not have friends. The dog will sacrifice his life for his human 'friend'. The cat will sit on the mantle and lick his paws as you die. Then he will eat your eyes.

This is science.

Besides, 'friendship' is a human construct, unknown in the underworld from whence cats were spawned.

#TheEgyptiansKnow

“The cat will sit on the mantle and lick his paws as you die. Then he will eat your eyes.”

And that is well and good, and natural. It is a matter of one’s perspective, I suppose. I do not want an animal friend to sacrifice his or her life for me. What good is having a friend who is needlessly dead?

“Besides, ‘friendship’ is a human construct, unknown in the underworld from whence cats were spawned.”

Ahh, I see the error of your understanding. Cats are noble and magnificent animals created by God, and quite capable of a relationship akin to friendship with a human. You have studied the feline mind with a faulty presupposition, or with a rather lopsided study group. Or maybe there is something they find disagreeable about you? But indeed, many of the friendships I’ve known have actually been initiated not by me, but by the cat, and with no strings attached - only for mutual companionship.

That’s why you should always put pennies on your eyes.. to keep the cats from eating them.

My dad had a rotten boss in his 20’s . Rotten boss had mean German Shepherd. When rotten boss died, German Shepherd helped himself to the corpse. True story.

PPD