Got 4 for y’all.
1. A couple months ago, I entered a contest and ended up winning a few acres of swamp land below the flood plain in Mississippi.
Before I knew it, right after that I won a $250,000 house, so naturally I built it on my new land.
Last week, I won enough money in the lottery to quit my job and move down there for good.
And just last night, as sat on my new porch watching the rain and listening to the thunder, it all started to sink in.
2. A fellow in a bar is feeling a little frisky, but true to his wife, goes home.
He finds her sound asleep in the bed with her mouth wide open, so he gets two aspirin and drops them in her mouth.
She starts to choke, but recovers and asks, “What did you put in my mouth?”
He says, “Two aspirin.”
She replies, “BUT I DON’T HAVE A HEADACHE!”
He says, “That’s all I wanted to hear...”
3. Said one fisherman to the other,”I think there’s new species of crabs.
These ones itch a lot more than the ones I had last year.
4. Bumper-Stickers Seen On Military Bases.
“Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything.”
” U.S. Marines - Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club.”
” U.S. Air Force - Travel Agents To Allah”
“Stop Global Whining”
“When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine”
Naval Corollary: Dead Men Don’t Testify.
“The Marine Corps - When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight”
“Marine Sniper - You can run, but you’ll just die tired!”
“Marines - Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775”
“Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It”
“Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon”
“Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Vulgar Brawl”
“One Shot, Twelve Kills - U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support”
“My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College”
“Machine Gunners - Accuracy By Volume”
“A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy - Blessed Be The Peacemakers”
Had a flyer from the Peacekeeper (MX) missile project. A beautiful sketch of the missile just ejected from the silo, as the rocket engine fires.
Caption: “When it absolutely, positively has to be there in 30 minutes or less”.