"And if we're trying to cover as many mucous membranes as possible, why not simply go all-in?"
Gee, it wasn't too long ago when THE LIAR said not everybody needed to wear a mask, now he says you should wear goggles too!
The anus is a mucous membrane too, and if your underwear can't stop a pharte, if you want to be covered from a-hole to appetite you better wear a full bio-hazard suit while cowering there in your basement.
But hey, this is America, you do you.