very biting
“all terrified of ronan farrow” at 2min “it’s coming”
https://vimeo.com/382977064?ref=em-share
Thought it was worth sharing the whole speech...If you can, watch it because the expressions on the audience faces are priceless
Hello and welcome to the 77th annual Golden Globe Awards, live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel here in Los Angeles. Im Ricky Gervais, thank you.
Youll be pleased to know this is the last time Im hosting these awards, so I dont care anymore. Im joking. I never did. Im joking, I never did. NBC clearly dont care either fifth time. I mean, Kevin Heart was fired from the Oscars for some offensive tweets hello?
Lucky for me, the Hollywood Foreign Press can barely speak English and theyve no idea what Twitter is, so I got offered this gig by fax. Lets go out with a bang, lets have a laugh at your expense. Remember, theyre just jokes. Were all gonna die soon and theres no sequel, so remember that.
But you all look lovely all dolled up. You came here in your limos. I came here in a limo tonight and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman. No, shush. Its her daughter I feel sorry for. OK? That must be the most embarrassing thing thats ever happened to her. And her dad was in Wild Hogs.
Lots of big celebrities here tonight. Legends. Icons. This table alone Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro Baby Yoda. Oh, thats Joe Pesci, sorry. I love you man. Dont have me whacked. But tonight isnt just about the people in front of the camera. In this room are some of the most important TV and film executives in the world. People from every background. They all have one thing in common: Theyre all terrified of Ronan Farrow. Hes coming for ya. Talking of all you perverts, it was a big year for pedophile movies. Surviving R. Kelly, Leaving Neverland, Two Popes. Shut up. Shut up. I dont care. I dont care.
Many talented people of color were snubbed in major categories. Unfortunately, theres nothing we can do about that. Hollywood Foreign press are all very racist. Fifth time. So. We were going to do an In-Memoriam this year, but when I saw the list of people who died, it wasnt diverse enough. No, it was mostly white people and I thought, nah, not on my watch. Maybe next year. Lets see what happens.
No one cares about movies anymore. No one goes to cinema, no one really watches network TV. Everyone is watching Netflix. This show should just be me coming out, going, "Well done Netflix. You win everything. Good night." But no, we got to drag it out for three hours. You could binge-watch the entire first season of Afterlife instead of watching this show. Thats a show about a man who wants to kill himself cause his wife dies of cancer and its still more fun than this. Spoiler alert, season two is on the way so in the end he obviously didnt kill himself. Just like Jeffrey Epstein. Shut up. I know hes your friend but I dont care.
Seriously, most films are awful. Lazy. Remakes, sequels. Ive heard a rumor there might be a sequel to Sophies Choice. I mean, that would just be Meryl just going, "Well, its gotta be this one then." All the best actors have jumped to Netflix, HBO. And the actors who just do Hollywood movies now do fantasy-adventure nonsense. They wear masks and capes and really tight costumes. Their job isnt acting anymore. Its going to the gym twice a day and taking steroids, really. Have we got an award for most ripped junky? No point, wed know whod win that.
Martin Scorsese made the news for his controversial comments about the Marvel franchise. He said theyre not real cinema and they remind him about theme parks. I agree. Although I dont know what hes doing hanging around theme parks. Hes not big enough to go on the rides. Hes tiny. The Irishman was amazing. It was amazing. It was great. Long, but amazing. It wasnt the only epic movie. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, nearly three hours long. Leonardo DiCaprio attended the premiere and by the end his date was too old for him. Even Prince Andrew was like, Come on, Leo, mate.Youre nearly 50-something.
The world got to see James Corden as a fat pu-sy. He was also in the movie Cats. No one saw that movie. And the reviews, shocking. I saw one that said, "This is the worst thing to happen to cats since dogs." But Dame Judi Dench defended the film saying it was the film she was born to play because she loves nothing better than plunking herself down on the carpet, lifting her leg and licking her a-s. (Coughs) Hairball. Shes old-school.
Its the last time, who cares? Apple roared into the TV game with The Morning Show, a superb drama about the importance of dignity and doing the right thing, made by a company that runs sweatshops in China. Well, you say youre woke but the companies you work for in China unbelievable. Apple, Amazon, Disney. If ISIS started a streaming service youd call your agent, wouldnt you?
So if you do win an award tonight, dont use it as a platform to make a political speech. Youre in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.
So if you win, come up accept your little award, thank your agent, and your god and fk off. Its already three hours long. Right, lets do the first award. The first award?
that was epic smiley. thanks for posting.