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Crumbling Pompeii

Archaeologists and art historians have long complained about the poor upkeep of Pompeii, dogged by lack of investment, mismanagement, litter and looting. Bogus tour guides, illegal parking attendants and stray dogs also plague visitors.

How to tell if your tour guide was bogus.

1. After explaining how Vesuvius rides on a plate, he sold you a six-place setting.
2. He charged extra to see The Forum, calling it The Fivem in devalued dollars.
3. Told you the fresco you heard about was a soft drink, sold you a six-pack.
4. Convinced you the Marina gate was named after Marina Sirtis, Deanna Troi of Star Trek. Sold you a bobble-head Captain Kirk.
5. Told you Via di Nola means Street of New Orleans, Louisiana. Sold you some ancient plastic beads from the Pompeiian Mardi Gras.
6. Told you the placard on that lavish villa, "Aulus Vettius Restitutus," meant "All tour guides get paid here."