I’m An Asian Woman Engaged To A White Man And, Honestly, I’m Struggling With That

Huffington Post ^ | February 2, 2019 | Tria Chang

[EdnaMode]

“Oh, God, another Asian girl/white boy couple,” I groan, dropping my fiancé’s hand.

He hates it when I do this. So do I, really. I know it’s unkind and self-loathing, but every time I see another couple of our racial makeup, a little part of me sinks. We live in San Francisco, so this dip is as common as the hills. In these moments, I wish we were anything else ― that he were my gay best friend or we were startup co-founders, that he were Asian and I were white, that we were exquisitely ambiguous races, or that I could sink like my feelings into the sidewalk, be a little worm, and date whomever I want without considering social perception.

Shame is neither the wisest nor most mature part of oneself, but it still has a voice. “Stop it you guys!” my shame wants to say to these other couples. “Can’t you see the more of us there are, the worse it looks?”

“It” meaning the prevalent trend of Asian women seeming to end up with white men. “It” meaning the perpetuation of Asian fetish.

The first time I heard the term ”Asian fetish,” I was the only Chinese kid in a tiny school. Other students in my class had been pairing up to date since fifth grade, exchanging love notes and making each other Alanis Morissette mixtapes. I waited for my ”Jagged Little Pill” cassette, but nothing came in fifth grade. Or sixth. Or seventh. Or eighth.

[Big Giant Air Head]

Indeed, I am not. However, I’m not above looking to other countries either.

Everyone having their own circumstances, I blame none here.
Having read every post, the majority are addressing anyone who cares to read, as is standard for open forum. The rest are responses.

Though distasteful ( I certainly find it so), open discussion of sexual preferences and opinions is far from abnormal in current society.
It speaks more to comfort in ability to speak their minds than that everyone they speak to is white or male.

In fact, you’ll notice a faint theme in the comments.
For their troubles, and/or whatever else, they are expected to continue their search amongst the same, by the same.
They are judged immediately, presumed to be fetishists or undesirables, slandered by so called “friends” and acquaintances, maligned by others not even physically present, etcetera, if they do otherwise.

Men and women have always compared each other. The only thing different from history is women having their comparisons and opinions socially mainstreamed and made into law, many times to the detriment of men.
Which speaks volumes, whilst not straying far from historical views of women needing protection.

I will admit being guilty of turning to semi-anonymous forums to express opinions that would likely have disproportionate effects in my personal and professional life were they voiced. However, many posters here do this.
It’s an outlet used to voice an opinion that may or may not be popular, with the added benefit of finding like minds.

Can you really blame them?

[ViLaLuz]

My white dad married my Asian mom. It worked out fine. They’ve been married for 60 years so far.