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Are you a Liberal, Conservative or Southerner?

Situation:
A thug, high on drugs, comes around the corner and sees you and your family. He screams terrible, foul obscenities and lunges at you with a big “honkin” knife. You are armed only with a handgun, and have just seconds to act. What do you do?

Liberal’s Answer:
(pick one or more statements until stabbed to death)

1. “I must have offended this poor oppressed individual expressing outrage against society.”
2. “He is a poor minority suffering from historical persecution and racist colonial oppression.”
3. “It’s society’s fault he has such low self-esteem and poor social skills.”
4. “Why do I have a handgun? What kind of message am I sending to my wife and children?”
5. “What does the law say my moral, social and legal responsibilities are in this situation?”
6. “If I am being stabbed and hold on to his knees, can my family get away and call 911?”
7. “A paint and weed day would help integrate such excluded anti-social members of society.”
8. “If we raised taxes, this community could have a much happier, healthier environment.”
9. “I should discuss the complex social implications with a human rights lawyer.”
10. “I need more information to answer this question!”

Conservative’s Answer:
BANG!

Southerner’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click (sounds of reloading).

Wife: “Sweetheart, he looks like he’s still moving. What do you kids think?”
Son: “Mom’s right Dad, I saw it too…”

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?”