I recommend we lime your lawn and a strict watering regime.
Oh, and we should treat for grubs 5 times a year.
I estimate around $1200 a year for 5 treatments.
What about the burned grass? The wife can’t have that. Why not just use pea gravel and make the lawn a rock garden?
Don’t forget checking the Martian termite traps
twice a year, and the cost of asteroid insurance.