Shamelessly borrowed from the inter webs:
Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have an uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and... OH...MY GO#!!!”
Silence followed..................
Complete silence...........
Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled.
“For the luvva Jaysus, you should see the BACK of mine!!!”
That’s a lively anecdote, moose07.
The story is told of Admiral Lord Nelson, upon hearing a cry from the crow’s nest that an enemy flag had been spotted on the horizon, turning to his cabin boy and saying, “Son, fetch me my crimson shirt.”
The ship’s captain heard the request and asked, “Admiral, why did you request your crimson shirt?”
Admiral Lord Nelson replied, “That’s in case I get hit during the battle, my shirt won’t show the blood and demoralize the men.”
The cabin boy returned with the crimson shirt. As Admiral Lord Nelson was changing he again heard a cry from the crow’s nest. “Three enemy flags on the horizon.”
Without missing a beat Admiral Lord Nelson turned to his cabin boy and said, “Son, fetch my brown trousers.”
Lol! I can hear it!