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I’m sorry you are going through so much pain.

That was very courageous of you to open up like that on Free Republic. It appears you started a trend with other Freepers and their similar stories. There are a lot on this thread.

Anyhow, the good news is you are not alone in this. As you can read there are many other Freepers have similar or worse stories. You still have your family and your father too.

Here is what I can tell you I hope helps you in you out.

Take that leap of faith. I am talking about surrendering to our Lord, Savior and King Jesus Christ. I did in 2008 and it changed my life forever.

For the record in case you are thinking here comes some religious nut job. Haha! That’s hardly case. For the record, I’ve done the full circle when it comes to God. Grew up in a Christian family, learned about the Bible, went to church, but it slowly faded away over time. Never really believed it, found it boring, uninteresting and I could not relate it to my life. Nevertheless, I would still do it just in case I was wrong, and overall they had good messages. Eventually though I became an Atheist in my college years and was for a little over a decade after that.

However, I eventually came back to church after September 11th, 2001. At the time I did not have a strong relationship, but it was a lot better than before. It was not until I hit rock bottom and found myself desperately seeking answers. I took that leap one night because I became too worldly. Thought I could make things work doing it my way, and well yeah that was a disaster.

Nevertheless, when I really surrendered it really worked. When I mean “really” I mean I meant it in my heart. I just was not saying it and thinking it. I really meant it in my heart. That was the hard part for me. Why you might ask?

Well I remember all my life prior to this hearing and reading about others doing this, but just thought it was wishful thinking on their part and oh well that’s nice. Even in some instances I privately thought the people that said it had psychological issues. This was because I never experienced what they were talking about. It was foreign to me.

I learned how to mean it my heart. For instance, when I was a kid and my mother told me she loved me. I knew that in my heart. There was no question about it. I felt that in my heart. Well that’s how I learned to do it. KNOWING something is going to happen without any doubt. So applying that method along with words and thought is what made the difference.

Anyway, take that leap. Say it, think it and know it in your heart though Jesus Christ and your life will change. Don’t just think it or say it, but mean it in your heart (that 3rd part is so important and what most people miss). All you have to do is ask it, and will change your life for the better. It did that to me back in 2008.

Now do I still Sin? Yes absolutely. Humans will always Sin. It is in our nature. The difference is as a Christian you recognize it and ask for forgiveness vs before you might think about it for a minute, but that was it.

Now when you ask for forgiveness you have to mean it in your heart. God can read your hart and that is what counts. You can’t fool God like a get out of jail free card. If you have a struggle like everyone else on the planet, then you will need to continue to work on it.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

We can’t do this world on our own. Reach out to God though Jesus Christ and He will make life much better for you.

As for your father and his health here is what I know. Whenever we have a symptom or a disease (break it down to dis-ease of our body) then that is a sign we have nutrient deficiency. So if you flood your body with the missing nutrients. Things will turn around.

Here is what I hard read and heard. I am doctor, but you may want to look into this cheap fix. He needs to raw organic coconut oil hexen free daily, Nordic fish oil, Nascent iodine and a drink full of vitamins, minerals and trace minerals. Tangy Tangerine 2.0 will go a long way. It may take a couple weeks before you notice anything.

For you a B-Complex Vitamin will help you out a lot. Look into curcumin too. Heck get the Tangy Tangerine 2.0 for your self. You should notice a difference.

Again I am not a doctor. This is just what I read.