No. But since you asked.
I was born during a crossfire hurricane in a small, dirt-floor shack because my mother was poor and had no insurance. This was before Obamacare. I had no father, but when I was twelve, my mother told me, right before she died of whooping cough, that I was the son of Zeus.
I am immortal, so I have that going for me. On the day that I was born, the Titanic sank and the Wright brothers invented the aero-plane. It was symbolic in a way. I later thought that it represented the transition from earthly travel to man's ascendance to the stars.
That is why I expect to walk on Mars one day. I will most likely become the President of the Red planet. I believe it's my destiny because I have leadership ability and charisma.
I began my gung fu training when I ran away from home at the age of seven. I found myself in the North Shao-lin temple. My master was Master Kun Ling Yus. He was wise and taught me many things. I prospered and emerged a better man. We still write.
I decided at that time that I wanted to know everything, so I read books until I did. For a time, I roamed the earth. I spent time as a modern day pirate and ravaged the yachts of the wealthy off the coast of New England. I put a child in the belly of a woman and he grew up to be President. His term was cut short by an assassin's bullet. I mourned for him in my isolation. He never knew his father was a demi-god.
Once, when I was bored, I invented the internet and let Al Gore claim credit because I felt sorry for him. I have invented many things, but I do not seek glory, fame, or money. I am a humble man, truly.
I have chosen to spend time with you and all these fine people on this website, as a favor to mankind. When I feel that I have taught you enough, I will move on. I won't say goodbye. That is my way. Do not miss me. Just know that I am out there and that somewhere, the Bag abides.
So, no. I was not hatched in a Safeway gumball machine. Though that would be an interesting story too.
Bagster