Thanks.
A lot.
I see I’ve been communicating wrong all my life.
This is so great.
Your tagline might be a fitting epitaph for the tombstone of Herself, the Cold and Joyless.
Even Qx with his raft of psych colleagues doesn't know all that many, all things considered.
And being in the average church group can be maddening for him--with his 3,000+ hours of intense group process work/experience. Even the most basic civility and rules are routinely ignored. And very few groups even discuss the ground rules. Sigh.
1. Avoid saying more than 5-7 sentences at one time.
2. If you have spoken 3-5 times in one session, then wait 5-7 minutes before saying something else. If urgent, you can always quietly hand/slide someone a 4 X 6" card with your comment or question on it.
3. Avoid "you make me feel ..." No one has the power to make you feel anything unless you give them that power. If you have, take that power back and choose your own feelings for constructive reasons.
4. Own your needs, wants, requests with "I'd like/ enjoy/ appreciate ..."
5. Also, "When you __________, I feel ________" leaves the other person responsibility for their actions while owning your responsibility for your own feelings.
6. If you have a burning "need" to hold forth on something longer than 3-5 sentences, you can ask the group if they'd care to hear what you have to say. Even then, avoid going on for longer than 7-12 sentences--certainly no more than 5 minutes or so.
7. Being disciplined about such as the above can help one refine one's own thinking and priorities as well as forcing one to communicate more effectively with clearer word choices and priorities that are more condensed and hearable.
8. On average, in a group meeting of 1-2 hours, it's usually wiser to limit one's statements to 3-5 times--at most 5-7 times--particularly unless most of the other members have had their share of air-time.
9. A loving, responsible, group and individual-upbuilding thing to do is to ask those who are shy, reluctant to talk, specific questions that they would be inclined to have an opinion on relative to the topic at hand. Avoid allowing them to totally weasel out. Allow the silence to hang a bit for them to feel the importance of sharing their perspective. They may feel a bit stressed initially but after several group sessions of such, they'll more likely rise to the occasion on their own. Accordingly, their self-respect etc. will increase.
10. It can be vital to disallow anyone to chronically interrupt others in the group. You can hold your hand up in a STOP motion or say "wait __(name)__, {name} wasn't finished. It is VERY disconfirming, insulting, offensive, arrogant to keep interrupting others routinely, consistently.