Posted on 03/23/2018 6:36:41 AM PDT by C19fan
Because they are statistically fewer in number does not erase the fact that they exist, as I pointed out before, in enough numbers to have made me comment about it, based on specific research into marriage stats that I did in grad school. The comment that prompted me to say it was that women are the ones who cut off sex and then dump the man and clean the man out.
My point in bringing it up is that regardless of the sex disparity in outcomes, such as women getting custody more frequently than men, is that many factors come into play. When you remove sex from the equation and look at the power differential between spouses, such as the high-earning wife married to a man who is the primary child caretaker in the family, you see divorce decree outcomes more similar to the power-male/dependent female situation. There are differences that another post mentioned above when one or both of the couple don’t really want the children.
The system is wildly erratic, with the temperament of judges entering in; but the relative power, wealth or other resources (extended family with connections; available family who can babysit; etc) of one partner over the other has more to do with determining outcomes than any objective standard at law.
The fact that women are awarded primary custody more than men also has less to do with sex and more to do with circumstances and the vestiges of the old system in which the wife delivers more or most of the childcare during the marriage.
In a population of 325 million with more than 60 million married couples, there will always be anomalies. I think most people on here are discussing frequent events. It is quite frequent for the amount of sex the wife gives the husband post marriage drops significantly from pre-marriage. It is not that common for a man to cut-off his wife from sex (in fact, I’d argue that is extremely rare) unless the wife went from like 125lbs pre-marriage to like > 300 lbs over the next few years. Yes, it happens, again the law of large #s - but that is not even remotely close to normal while the other is probably > 90% of the time (even if only slightly less)
I should have learned by now that there can be no reasoning with male marriage martyrs on FR that bad divorce outcomes also happen to a sizeable enough number of women to blunt the idea that women are the evil sex when it comes to marriage, sex and divorce.
For instance, the stat that women file for divorce 75% of the time reveals nothing on its face. It may be that more men than women are content to have a girlfriend or a drug habit and still think they can stay married, but more women find this intolerable — just as men would if women were the larger proportion of habitual cheaters or substance abusers, but so far they’re not. The millenials may change all this; but my point is not to win an argument here with statistics, many of which are interpreted in ways that manipulate or fail to illuminate the deeper circumstances.
My overall point is that divorce is a nasty business and not all the bad outcomes are attributable to one sex. Both sexes make critical mistakes in setting up and participating in marriages.
We inherited Christian values and time-honored courtship rituals from England when the country was founded, and did not stray far from them until the 1960s and the so-called Sexual Revolution and feminist revolution, which are components of the worldwide atheist/communist revolution underway for the past 100 years. Those rituals differed only slightly from one economic bracket to another.
What is different post-60s is the legalized practice of casual sexual involvement that many participants then try to morph into a longer-term commitment or marriage, often with a period of cohabitation in between. This pattern is different than past generations’ courtship rituals in which birth control was not freely available or even legal in many states. Vrginity was not merely an expectation but a test of maturity based on fear of social disgrace. The environment pre-60s was still heavily influenced by religious morality and many economic and family-oriented social expectations. Uncommitted sex and extramarital sex were social evils, not just personal failiings.
I would also like to take issue with your characterization that marital sex is something the wife “gives” to the husband. It should be a mutual sharing, not a “giving” or a “taking.” Sex is used as a weapon by women perhaps more frequently; men use other weapons, such as lack of cooperation, verbal abuse directed at a woman’s self-confidence, etc. Marriage is supposed to be a two-way thing in which, ideally, both people are under the leadership of God and strive to honor His creation. The gift of sex is given by Him to both partners.
The rest of your paragraph was true 50, 100, 200 years ago when the divorce rates were roughly 50/50. The only thing that's changed then is that the courts now strongly favor women in all things in divorce and the few times it rules for men they have to be able to spend a fortune and usually prove their wife is a bad wife (which, short of catching her on camera with another dude or snorting coke, can be almost impossible). The amount of anecdotals of women running off with other men is simply mind-blowing. The pastor of the largest church in town (~15k members) recently had to have an entire service on it and said he was going to (jokingly) ban women from getting personal trainers because so many had left their husbands for them (and they get the kids + alimony).
I should have learned by now that there can be no reasoning with male marriage martyrs on FR that bad divorce outcomes also happen to a sizeable enough number of women to blunt the idea that women are the evil sex when it comes to marriage, sex and divorce.
Straw man argument alert! I already said it happens both ways. The question is relative frequency. Every divorce statistic is MASSIVELY skewed against men. Most of the truly jack-ass men that women (rightfully) whine about today stay single because the sex is easy to get and you have far less legal risks and you can usually see them coming a mile away. Unfortunately, many women are attracted to the "bad boys."
It’s a figure of speech. Don’t get your panties in a bunch.
Are you referring to men or women? I ask because a lot of men are justly described this way too.
Yes. A guy can string a woman along for years when he knows she’s looking to get married and have children. It’s better to keep one’s options open.
Lol! And end up divorced as soon as she gets the VISA.
SOME older women are less active, but others, post menopausal, have more activity due to the lessened worry about pregnancy.
Yes and I also hear women’s sexual speak is their 40s
It hasn’t been my experience not any of my friends who share such info
Methinks it’s womens parity talk
Like some girls here say about men of my age
“We should just accept our natural sexual decline”
I think women are lovely well into the 60s if they take care of themselves and bother to look nice and don’t go all bobbed grey hair and mandalas and unpainted toenails and no makeup..
The stern older woman as friar Tuck look I call it
I think women sexually peak during their peak reproductive years with their baby light is on....say 18-40
If a woman if fearful big time of pregnancy she might ought to be on the pill
We always treated pregnancy as a natural expectation of a great super intimate mutually satisfying sex life
Five kids later.....
A mans sexual peak cruelly corresponds to his physical peak
Say 16-35.....nature is mean to men and women
In that vein a mans sexual desire may never wane......which is why we have the cliche dirty old men
Women put off their natural biology in my view these days...a mistake
I salute you my dear and if I drank I’d raise a toast....hell im toasting with my diet Dr Pepper in the tub chilling.....that if you’re one of those fortunate gals of which you wax then God bless you and high five your lease half for me
He’s most fortunate
My wife to her credit is a fan of HRT wrist cream or pellets
And man am I grateful
“The reason men and women have so many issues is that COMMUNICATION is missing or non existent.”
When was communication about feeling or the relationship ever part of marriage in the past? I ask that as a woman.
In the old days her father asked about intentions.
Without her father she won’t say anything for fear of scaring him off.
By the time she does bring it up she is normally mad
and comes off sounding shrill and demanding which she hates having to do.
Normally, she also gives an ultimatum at that point.
If he loves her they normally get married.
Men hate discussing their feelings and won’t unless forced.
Men will talk about things that interest them.
Men can talk all day about work or cars or sports
or whatever. Unless the wife has the same interests there‘s not a lot to talk about that he wants to talk about.
Women love to talk about relationships and other things and she thinks her husband should be interested in them too. She is wrong. She’s been lied to and believes if
he won’t talk to her then something is wrong.
In the old days if the kids did anything wrong then the dad would spank them and it would be over.
Now it needs to be discussed and he hates that and does not want to do it.
In the old days if the house needed to be fixed, the man would say I’ll take care of it.
What color to paint would be up to the wife.
He does not care what color you paint the bedroom.
He has never cared and does not want to talk about it.
So what is left???
Well now days and probably before 1960 though it might have been subtle, before marriage the woman was playful and fun. He was romantic.
I think men change to a positive point of now he needs to
be the provider and protector after marriage.
Women don’t know what to do if they are working.
They don’t have a lot of role models for how a marriage “works” when the wife works. And they have all this time at work and at home to think about their life.
If women start thinking they are equals then there is a problem. If a woman wants to discuss decisions that men normally make as provider and protector, he feels threatened if she acts like she has a say.
Ships only have 1 captain for a reason.
Now days, it’s different. If both work, there is so much time to fill up. Laundry is easy and faster with the washer and dryer. Today’s floors are easier to clean than wooden planks. Kids are not spanked and that causes problems. A woman is not home with the kids and loses control of them and that drives her crazy but she doesn’t know why.
In the old days after married, the couple would be so busy trying just to survive and get by. Women were very busy washing clothes by hand and scrubbing everything clean.
Taking care of kids and cooking. Making things and living by a budget. The husband worked hard and had to fix anything that broke.
I think respect is the most important thing in a marriage and that is set when they meet.
It is hard to earn respect after you have behaved like a slut.
It is also hard to earn respect after you have treated her like a slut.
Respect starts with your thought process. Do you think positive thoughts about your spouse?
Before we women get married we have a list of positive things about the man and
we use that list to justify why we are marrying this person.
In fact we women have some kind of justification for almost everything we do.
For some reason I have yet to learn, many women today (women in America) throw away that list after marriage and start a negative list of all the things wrong with him.
I read a great book about marriage. “After every wedding comes a marriage”.
It taught me to throw away the negative list and start a positive one and doing that one thing helped me soooo much.
I sure chased women a lot either dating or whatever and I’m fairly successful by mere mortal standards before I finally settled these past 20 plus years
Man I was not going to live long without a rib even if only it was a go to the beach with me rib
That’s like a bad death
No woman to share your life and of course bed
How about keeping your pecker out of other men’s rectums??
I don’t agree with much of what this woman says. However I do/did prescribe to the two year rule: if you have been dating steadily for two years and still don’t have a proposal, you’re done. “Call it love or call it quits.” If he can’t commit after two years, you already have your answer, he doesn’t want to marry you. Stop wasting your time and move on.
Fortunately for Mr. RooRoo, he proposed with a huge gorgeous diamond ring, he made it right under the wire LOL—or I would have broken things off at the two year mark. Life’s too short, I knew I wanted to get married. We’ve been together for 25 happy years now.
Well, I have to agree—Laz would definitely not “tap that thing. LOL
Chris sounds like a cuck. He should move to the US and run for office as a Republican.
WOW...I don’t know where you grew up, but that was not my parents, grandparents, nor my experience with marriage.
I’ve been married going on twenty years....and still content to be taking care of a man, who was respectful, kind, and let me make decisions that should have been his.
COMMUNICATION is daily thing.....since I care for his needs, and he is home bound on oxygen 24/7.
I have said that before on FR.
Yes, Sports, NASCAR, and all the TV shows that deal with fishing, or things that interest him are his routine, after retirement/now illness. I never liked TV, so I have other interests/ hobbies/internet, that keep me close or same room.
I come from Boomer generation, and I was in grammar school in 1960.
I am probably most positive person you have ever met.... a lot of what I commented was humor, or sarcasm /s. This is not first thread with men vs women, I have commented on.... so be assured, I know how it is.
Don’t take me too seriously! Bible says ‘a merry heart does good like a medicine’. And sometimes a man needs a jolt, beyond his own arrogance or pride, from a female point of view. No harm intended ,and I do not feel insulted by replies... Thanks for info.
Have a good evening.
Okay. I won’t quit dating either. 100 bucks says the woman gets jealous first
Stupid advice.
There is a point where a couple becomes exclusive. Respect it.
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