I know you hate yourself and want us to enforce that...but take that urge into another venue.
Go to a local bar where the patrons will beat the crap out of you.
You will love that.
Self-loathing confirmed.
You hang out here because you hate yourself but realize that, however much we might also dislike you, we cannot slap you around.
Gutless on your part.
Ramp it up and go somewhere they can actually slap the shiite out of you.
That's what you want...quit being such a pussy and go get it gone.
Sounds like you’ve well earned your Jr Shrink badge or better. Congrats (apologies if you’re a real shrink!).