I’m typing to myself. I feel like Ted Cruz on Twitter.
Maddie Poppe is great! She Walks Like An Egyptian right into the Top 10.
Chiquita is dead in the water. Her original song stinks. "I'm A Dreamer". Wink-wink-nudge. Yeah, we get it. Katy Perry says America let her down. Meanwhile, back in Veena-Swayla, people are fighting over a can of beans.
Marcio walks out on stage like he was facing a firing squad. Marcio is … NOT safe. Time to sing and play the Baby Daddy/Uncle card.
Surprisingly he doesn’t cry, but his song does him no favors.
Luke: “Not the strongest thing we’ve seen from you.”
Marcio takes his seat in the Danger Zone, sitting next to Chiquita who seems oblivious to his pain.
Cade and his dead bird are escorted slowly to the stage. Seacrest stops him just behind the stage and reveals he’s safe. Yes, the dead bird is safe too.
His subsequent performance gets Lionel so worked up he must inappropriately touch Seacrest.
Randy Jackson: “Performance of the night!” (Wait that’s from his Geico commercial)
Garrett is called out next. And put into the Danger Zone. He sings CCR’s “Have You Ever Seen The Rain”. This has farewell performance written all over it. He and Katy have the same haircut.
Luke: Way to state your case. Good song choice for you. A little pitchy.
Katy: This is the best you’ve ever sounded.
He takes his seat in the Danger Zone as Colin Kaepernick looks on.
Gabby is safe. Still has to sing a Miranda Lambert song. As with most Miranda Lambert songs, I want this song to end.
Katy points her rear end at Lionel (?) to ask Gabby what she had for dinner.
Dennis gets the verdict. RACIST!!! Two of the three black men in the competition are in the Danger Zone. His save-me song is unrecognizable, but miles better than Marcio’s.
Luke: I’m gonna fight for you, buddy. Great job.
Seacrest announces starting next week Idol will air live in ALL time zones.
Other Jonny, to no one’s surprise, is in the Danger Zone. What song will he torture us with? It’s sloooow whatever it is. Flat, off key, lifeless. Maybe your Dad was right (who by the way is in the audience)
Caleb Lee is in the Top 10. I don’t expect this Garth Brooks voice to come out of him.
Mara is in the Danger Zone. This ties the judge’s hands (the Disney exec’s hands). They’ve got to save her because she’s clearly good enough to be in the Top 10.
She’s trembling.
Jurnee is next. (Saving the Ada Freak Show for last). Whoa! She didn’t make it either. This further limits Ada’s chances. Unless America actually voted the Drag Queen in.
The judges are confused. How could America get this so wrong (I’m not liking their tone).
Maybe America doesn’t want a Lesbian Army Wife in the competition, even if she is one of the best singers.
Up next, Michael J. Woodard. He’s safe! The judges remain standing as he sings. Lionel’s Asian eyes glisten with moisture.
Only two singers left—and they’re the most annoying in the competition. Drag Queen Ada and Autistic Catey.
Catey is safe. America rejected the Drag Queen! YES. Sanity rules. Katy yells silently “SH*T!” ABC/Disney will still push Ada on us, but at least we can be satisfied by this result.
While I was typing, Catey was singing some song about Cuba.
We’ve got 20 minutes left for drama. Carefully scripted, choreographed drama.
Ada screams through “And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going”. Probably so. Wearing a dress. He looks like a baked potato wrapped in tinfoil.
Of course the judges save the baked potato.
That leaves three empty chairs to fill.
And 7 minutes to fill them.
Jurnee is safe.
As is … Chiquita? Didn’t see that coming … Oh I get it now. I forgot what show I was watching. It’s not about talent, it’s about ethnicity.
Dragging out the drama. Other Jonny already knows it’s over.
Lionel fills time with “You’re already stars” BS. If that’s true they can just end the show now.
Taking the last chair is …
Dennis.
He did deserve it, but demographically, it was the only choice to make.
The rejected Idols are unceremoniously kicked off the stage so everyone can cheer the Top 10.