You never answered do you think that the utility customer should be able to dictate the terms? In case you said yes, in essence that is what Public Service Commissions do. They set the terms for both the utility and the consumer. In spite of your dismissal of public service commissions as agents of the utility, they're not.
I don't think anybody should be able to dictate terms, either the customer or the utility.
If the customer does not want to change to a smart meter, the utility should not be able to force them, or charge them extra for opting out. The desire of the utility to deploy smart meters should not effect the customer who just wants to be left alone.
If the customer wants demand pricing, which requires a smart meter, then I would have no problem with the utility charging for it.
If the utility wants to deploy smart meters, I have no problem with them offering discounts or credits to entice reluctant customers to change.
The common thread of these scenarios is that they are all voluntary. Nobody is being forced to do anything.