I guess AAPL will have to mark you down as undecided.Hurricane relief might be a better place to put that much money, I agree.
This is a phone I could use.
http://www.dhresource.com/albu_223648927_00-1.0x0/3-5mm-radiation-free-antique-style-retro.jpg
Or a smart looking one like this.
https://laughingsquid.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/20130918-13132669-2.jpg