h/t Michelle Malkin
Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that it is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is Not Now.
h/t Geri
A blonde I know decided to have twelve clones made of herself. When she went to the clinic, she found it was a bleak brick house without any windows. When she asked the Clone Arranger why there were no windows, she was told that people in glass houses shouldn't grow clones.
As the clones were growing up, she found she was never allowed to take them out for a walk, because "you'll never walk a clone".
What disturbed her the most was that every time she would visit them, they all would be yelling at the top of their lungs. When she asked why they yelled so much she was told that this was to be expected as she had ordered a dozen I scream clones.
This one is just for the lovers...
Careful where you put your right hand linda.
Just wondering...
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Once you're in heaven do you get stuck wearing the same clothes you were buried in for an eternity?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where does that extra penny go?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
If a deaf person goes to court is it still called a hearing?
Why are you "IN" a movie, but "ON" TV?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
When your boss, or whoever, is ranting about there not being an "I" in team, show them this:
Gotta love these signs:
He said to me, "Why are married women heavier than single women?"
I said to him, "Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge."
Meat Marvin... Maxine's husband:
- Truisms -
The annoying moment when you're trying to say something serious, and your voice breaks.
If you can't laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
When someone smells nice, it automatically makes them more attractive to me.
That awesome moment when you hear a song or word that describes your situation perfectly.
I was walking in the mall and I saw that there was a Muslim bookstore. The sign outside led me to wonder... just what exactly was in a Muslim bookstore? So I went in.
As I was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help me. I know I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?"
The clerk said, "Kiss my ass, get out, and stay out!"
I said, "Yes, that's the one. Do you have it in paperback?"
FReeper test time. What's wrong with this picture?
Finally, some nostalgia:
h/t Daffynition