I honestly don’t think in the long run standing by her and giving up basically what was your chosen family will help your marriage. It will possibly rupture it completely.
I’m not a huge fan of marriage because inside I am a dreamer who wanted to give and love and yet allow plenty of freedom and I was not met with the same unselfishness. So take what I say with a grain of salt. I still love the idea of marriage.
Best example I can come up with for you is someone I know, a man, whose wife didn’t like his family. Her dislike was irrational, not based on anything but typical idiosyncrasies. Which all families have. Not that his family was unkind or making meth in the basement or something real. She didn’t like their quirks. Anyway, after several years of marriage she wanted nothing more to do with his family and all but shut them out. Treated them poorly unless she could make it appear she was magnanimous without any effort. Gave husband an ultimatum to ditch his family and he chose to cleave to her. Cut out his own family except for quick solitary visits. They didn’t last many years. They are now going through a divorce.
I think you could do with counseling, neutral - not a pastor from either church, I mean. Just to have someone else in the room explain to your wife that she is asking you to give up your friends and social world. I do not feel it is fair of her to ask that. You have demonstrated your loyalty by doing this but the way this has left you is worse than the initial insult she felt.
Sounds harsh but: spouses die (or even divorce). Friends and an active social circle become VERY important. I think she has asked too much of you.
Will pray you guys work this out.
wise words