Destination weddings, unless you are returning home, are selfish on the part of the marrying couple.
“I want to travel a long way so I don’t have to travel for the honeymoon, and I want you to come!” And she’s adding a caveat “I want you to come but without the children, though that’s your cost/hassle for childcare back home or at the destination!”
Not necessarily true these days. Many people don't live near their hometown. My new wife and I don't live anywhere near "home" as we both have a military background and are stationed in the DC area. Trying to determine "where" to have the wedding and reception was a nightmare, as going closer toward one of our families would mean increased difficulty and expense for the other's family. Trying to do anything in the DC area was cost prohibitive and a logistical nightmare.
We settled on on small wedding in the church and got married with friends who couldn't attend the big ordeal.
We invited immediate family from both sides to the Dominican Republic -~$1100 per person, including airfare, liquor, food, and shuttle for a 5 night , 4 day stay.
This allowed both sides to have a few days together as a reunion and to meet the other side and spend time with us. Kids were invited, we asked the guests NOT to give us gifts.
In the end it was less stressful for our guests, and cost about the same for them to come to DC and stay for three days. Also, even with assisting two of our guests with costs - it was still cheaper for us to have the wedding (reception, florists, etc) in the Caribbean than what we were looking at in the DC area, as the resort only charged us ~$1500 for the wedding from ceremony to reception.
I know a lot of professionals who don't live near "home," and their spouse isn't from the same hometown. A destination wedding at an all inclusive resort can be a good answer. There's things everyone can do together, food/lodging/liquor/airfare is including in the package, and everyone is colocated.
Granted the Dominican Republic isn't Paris, but truth be told, I'd rather go to the DR than France.
I’m gonna bet she’s more concerned about the wedding than she will ever be concerned about the marriage itself.....Sounds like a narcissist to me.