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When I heard Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson were guest preachers at a
nearby church, I decided to go there and check them out in person.

As soon as I sat down, Reverend Sharpton came over to me. I don’t know
why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the church.

He laid his hands on my hand and said: “By the will of Jesus the Lord
Almighty, and the will of God, you will walk today.”

I told him I was not paralyzed.

Then Jesse Jackson came by and said: “By the Grace of God, and his Son
Jesus, the Lord Almighty, you will walk today.”

Again I said that there is nothing wrong with me.

After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold?

My Car Was Gone!

Amen!

FW: A Jewish Bookie ..

A Jewish bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt.

He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race.

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.

The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.

He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won.

As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning. The bookie was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest’s blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up and couldn’t even finish the race. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was. Confronting him, he demanded, “Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance. Now, thanks to you I’ve lost every cent of my savings!”

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. “You are not Catholic are you my son?”

“No, I’m Jewish.”

“That’s the problem,” said the Priest, “you couldn’t tell the difference between a blessing and last rites.”